So maybe you should stop. Here's why.
Many parents of autistic kids find themselves overwhelmed by both the idea of autism, and the reality of what parenting their autistic child is like. But here's the thing—autism isn't all bad. It's not a curse or a punishment. It's a way to describe a set of behaviors, and it's not what defines a person.
Yet I still hear a lot of parents posting things like "I hate autism" in online support groups and on social media. I think that's where a lot of the “autism hate” comes from, and I'd love to think we're just catching people in the middle of their worst moments when we come across those posts…what can I say, I’m an optimist!
But do you know that many actually adult autistics feel like they can't separate their autism from the rest of their being or life experience? They consider their autism to be a central and driving force behind who they are and how they experience the world…
So what does that mean for you as the parent of an autistic child, caught in the middle of your frustrations and overwhelm, and parenting a child who may grow up to resent your views on their neurology?
Let's dive in...
The "I hate autism" mentality usually comes from a place of frustration and overwhelm.
Parents who feel this way are often struggling with their own big emotions and are often at the end of their rope with something that their child did. They may feel their child's autism caused them to do something particularly challenging or frustrating.
They see their child's diagnosed condition as something separate from the child themself when in reality, the two things are one.
Many autistic adults feel their autism is a part of who they are, not a "disorder" they have.
I'm not trying to minimize anyone's experiences by writing this article. My goal is to help you better understand how your child may see things in the future, and hopefully shift your perspective so that you can work toward building a strong, lasting, and loving relationship with your autistic child, rather than seeing autism, and your child's brain, as your enemy.
I've often seen it described as the difference between a Mac and a PC...an autistic brain and a neurotypical brain do the same thing, they just work on different platforms and require a different approach to using. One isn't less than the other, they're just slightly different, but with the right skill set, they can both do some great computing.
When you view it from this perspective, can you start to see how when you say "I hate autism," what you're really saying is you hate the way your child's brain works and perceives the world?
Some of the things that make a child "autistic" are actually normal characteristics of children.
Spoiler alert: kids are annoying AF! They're dirty, loud, and sometimes rude. They frequently make poor choices that make our lives as their parents more difficult.
I don’t parent any neurotypical children, but I stand firmly in my belief that sometimes, kids just do dumb stuff that pisses us off as their parents. Rather than getting angry at our child for their actions, it can be really easy to just blame it on the autism...
But when you do that, you are missing out on a bunch of growth opportunities for both you and your child!
It's a lot easier to blame your child's "diagnosed condition" than it is to realize that maybe they're just being a jerk (or, you know, just being a child!). Don't let your anti-autism attitude color the way you see them and their neurotype.
Conclusion
Many families struggle to raise autistic children who are non-speaking, have challenging behaviors, and can be difficult to parent. I'm not saying you always have to see autism as a gift, and I know that some days parenting a child with additional needs, or one who won't grow up to be an independent adult is challenging and difficult.
I'm not trying to minimize anyone's experiences by writing this article. My goal is to help you better understand how your child may see things in the future, and hopefully shift your perspective so that you can work toward building a strong, lasting, and loving relationship with your autistic child, rather than seeing autism, and your child's brain, as your enemy.
From experience, when parents are better informed about autism and focus on getting their self-care needs met, it becomes easier to handle any and all challenges life with kids (autistic or not) throws your way. Click here to download your FREE copy of "7 Simple Ways to Reduce Your Stress: A Guide for Parents of Autistic Children."
It's my top seven list of self-care ideas that actually work for autism parents like you, and I hope it helps you on your journey to becoming an Empowered and Engaged Autism Parent.
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