NeurOrdinary Podcast: S2E4 | Q&A: How to Find Time for Yourself When Your Child Needs Constant Attention
Hey there, it's Karen! In this episode of the NeurOrdinary podcast, I dove into one of the trickiest questions we autism parents face: “How do I find time for myself when my child needs constant attention?” Trust me, you're not alone if you've struggled with this.
I started by addressing the emotional hurdles we often face—guilt, frustration, and that constant feeling of being stretched too thin. I shared a personal story about how even my attempts to steal ten minutes for a hot tea and a Harry Styles video often get derailed by sensory overloads or school help demands.
The key takeaway here? It's okay to feel those emotions, but they shouldn't stop you from seeking self-care.
Then, I got practical. I talked about carving out micro-moments for self-care—think 5 minutes while waiting for breakfast to cook or keeping a gratitude journal on the counter. I also suggested tools and tech that can help, like visual schedules or even the occasional iPad day.
One of my favorite tips? Time blocking in miniature. Instead of aiming for an hour, start with five-minute chunks. And don’t shy away from asking for help, whether it's a partner taking over bedtime or a friend giving you a short break.
Lastly, I emphasized the importance of community. Emotional support from fellow parents can be a game-changer. Whether you join my Substack community or a free Facebook group, connecting with others who "get it" can make a world of difference.
* Please note: names used in this podcast may have been changed to protect the identity of my coaching clients and their children.
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Resources Mentioned In This Episode
- Join the Self-Care Support Squad Substack! For just $7/month get access to monthly group coaching calls, replays of The Ultimate Autism Parents Self-Care Workshop, and more!
- Become part of the Self-Care Support Squad on Facebook.
- Check out free guided meditations to help you build resilience and practice mindful awareness here.
Transcript
Hey, I’m Karen. And I’m a mom to two amazingly neurospicy autistic kiddos. If you’re an autism parent like me, you know I don’t have the time to make a podcast intro. I also lack the tech skills, so let’s just get into it…this is the NeurOrdinary Podcast!
Welcome back to NeurOrdinary! I’m Karen Kossow, your self-care and resilience coach, and a mom who knows firsthand how challenging it can be to balance your own needs with the constant demands of parenting. If you’re here, you probably have days—or even seasons—where it feels like your needs are always at the bottom of the list. And let’s be honest: it’s not a great feeling.
Today’s episode is a special Q&A. A listener asked, “How do I find time for myself when my child needs constant attention?” If this is something you’ve struggled with, know you’re not alone. In this episode, I’ll answer this question directly, sharing insights from my own journey as a neurospicy autism parent and offering practical strategies that can help. Along the way, we’ll talk about two key areas: 1) addressing the emotional hurdles like guilt and frustration, and 2) building a realistic plan to carve out moments for yourself. Because to succeed, you need both. Let’s dive in.
Part 1: Validating the Emotional Challenges
Let’s start by addressing the emotional side of this question. Finding time for yourself can feel impossible when your child needs constant attention. Maybe you feel guilty even thinking about stepping away. Or maybe it feels like every time you try, something happens that pulls you back into the chaos. Or maybe you feel like you're being “punished” by their behavior when you do take time away from yourself and then they need you with a vengeance when you get back? Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
I’ll share a personal story here. A few weeks ago, I was deep in the trenches of parenting my two autistic kiddos, juggling therapy schedules, meltdowns, and homeschool reports. I remember one day vividly—I’d planned to take 10 minutes for myself to drink a cup of tea while it was still hot and maybe watch a Harry Styles video or two. But before I could even sit down, one of my kids had a sensory overload moment, and the other needed help with schoolwork. My tea sat untouched, and so did my plans for “me time.”
In moments like that, it’s easy to feel defeated and frustrated. But here’s what I’ve learned: it’s okay to feel those emotions. Guilt and frustration are normal responses to the immense demands of parenting in general. And that goes extra for us as autism parents who are juggling so much more out of necessity and love for our kids, often without adequate resources and support. What’s not okay is letting those emotions convince you that you don’t deserve care or that self-care is selfish. Your feelings are valid, but they don’t define your worth. And they don’t tell the whole story.
The first step is giving yourself permission to need and want time for yourself. This isn’t selfish; it’s essential. When you’re burned out, it’s hard to show up as the parent you want to be. This is the first step in…
Creating Your Plan for Self-Care
Once you’ve validated those emotions, it’s time to build a plan. Finding time for yourself isn’t about overhauling your schedule overnight. It’s about finding small, achievable moments that work for your unique situation.
Here’s what worked for me: I started by looking for “micro-moments” of time—tiny windows where I could focus on myself, even if only for a few minutes. For example, I paired my morning Reset Breath with waiting for my kids’ oatmeal to cook. Later, I added a 5-minute gratitude practice to my day by keeping a journal on the kitchen counter. These weren’t huge changes, but they were sustainable, and they made a difference.
Here are a few strategies to try:
Time Blocking in Miniature: Instead of trying to carve out an hour, start with 5 or 10 minutes. You might use that time to step outside, listen to a favorite song, or practice mindfulness. Pro tip: pair these moments with something you’re already doing, like waiting for water to boil or a therapy session to start.
Share the Load: If possible, ask your partner, a trusted friend, or a family member to step in, even for a short time. It’s not about shirking responsibilities; it’s about creating balance. For me, this looks like asking my spouse to handle bedtime on the nights he isn’t working so I can take a bath without interruptions. Gotta get that hygiene, fam!
Use Tools and Technology: Don’t be afraid to lean on tools that make life easier. A visual schedule can help your child feel more secure while you step away for a moment. Or, if your child loves music, create a playlist they enjoy and let them listen while you take a short break nearby. And, uh, screentime is okay as long as it works for your family and doesn’t make things harder in the long run. There is nothing wrong with having an iPad day so you can catch up on rest or do whatever you need to do.
Why These Strategies Work
These small steps help you recharge and build resilience. When you care for yourself, you’re better equipped to manage the constant demands of parenting. But let’s be honest: these strategies won’t always go smoothly. Some days, your 5-minute plan might get interrupted, and that’s okay. It’s about progress, not perfection.
Anticipating Challenges
Full disclosure, I know this won’t be easy or feel natural in the beginning. That’s why anticipating challenges might be a great place to start for you!
Challenge: “Even 5 minutes feels impossible.”
I get it! Some days, the idea of carving out even a tiny sliver of time for yourself feels laughable. Between your child’s needs, household responsibilities, and all the unexpected twists, it’s easy to feel like there’s no space left for you. But you don’t have to start with 5 minutes. Start with 1.
Use that single minute to practice your Reset Breath…inhale for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for six. Repeat for 5-10 breaths or until you start to feel calmer. It’s not just about calming your body; it’s about proving to yourself that even amidst the chaos, you can find 60 seconds. Another idea? Write down one thing you’re grateful for, even if it’s as simple as “the coffee I drank this morning was still warm.”
The beauty of starting small is that it builds momentum. Once you’ve mastered 1 minute, you can stretch it to 2, then 3. Over time, these micro-moments will become a habit and a lifeline. Remember, self-care doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing deal. It’s about taking what you can, when you can, and giving yourself credit for every small effort.
Challenge: “I don’t have anyone to help.”
Feeling like you’re doing this alone is tough. Many parents tell me, “I’d love to take a break, but there’s no one else who can step in.” If that’s where you are, know this: help doesn’t always have to mean physical hands-on support. Sometimes, emotional support can be just as powerful.
Explore online communities like my Self-Care Support Squad on Substack or join our Facebook group. These spaces are filled with parents who truly get it - people who can offer encouragement, share creative solutions, and remind you that you’re not alone. One mom recently shared how reading others’ stories gave her the confidence to try a new routine, and how much that helped her feel better.
And don’t underestimate the power of connection. Even a 10-minute conversation with someone who understands can leave you feeling lighter and more energized. If you’re hesitant to dive into a group, start small: read posts, comment when you feel comfortable, and take the parts that resonate with you. Support can look different for everyone, and that’s okay.
Combining Emotional and Practical Plans
Here’s where it all comes together. To truly succeed, you need both an emotional plan and a practical plan. The emotional side validates your struggles and helps you release guilt, while the practical side gives you actionable steps to create time for yourself.
Think of it like this: the emotional plan is the “why,” and the practical plan is the “how.” When you combine them, you create a foundation for sustainable self-care.
Here’s an example of how this worked for me:
One evening, I hit my limit after a long day of homeschooling, meltdowns, and managing dinner. My emotional plan kicked in first: I told myself, “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. This doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human.” Then, I activated my practical plan: I let my kids watch a Mark Rober video while I stepped outside for 3 minutes of fresh air. Those combined steps made all the difference.
Conclusion
So, how do you find time for yourself when your child needs constant attention? Start by acknowledging and validating the emotional challenges, then create a realistic plan for small, consistent moments of self-care. Remember, self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s how you build resilience, one moment at a time.
If today’s episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to join my Substack paid membership. For just $7 a month, you’ll get access to live group coaching calls so you too can ask me questions like this. You’ll also get valuable resources, replays of the Ultimate Autism Parent Self-Care Workshop, weekly subscriber-only articles, and so much more. Together, we’ll continue to explore how to thrive as parents and individuals.
Thanks for listening! New episodes of the NeurOrdinary Podcast drop every Thursday. Until then, remember: even in the chaos, you matter. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with other autism parents you know who might benefit from these insights. And whatever you do, keep it spicy!
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