Hey there, it's Karen. In this episode of NeurOrdinary, I dive into the critical topic of self-care, especially for us neurospicy autism parents. I know firsthand how it feels to run on empty while juggling parenting, work, and everything in between. If you've ever thought, "Self-care? That's a luxury I can't afford," this one's for you.

We start by unpacking why self-care often feels out of reach, particularly for autism parents dealing with therapy appointments, meltdowns, and everything else that comes our way. 

One of my clients once said, "If I take time for myself, who's going to pick up the slack?" Sound familiar? 

You're not alone. Society glorifies the idea of the sacrificial parent, leaving us to feel guilty for even thinking about our own needs. But here's the kicker: self-care isn't a luxury…it's about survival and resilience.

Through real-life stories of clients like Mike and Emma, I explore how small acts of self-care can make a world of difference. Mike discovered that practicing something as simple as a "reset breath" helped him handle his son's meltdowns more patiently. And Emma found a three-minute dance party could recharge her energy like nothing else.

I share practical tips to help you move past the guilt and integrate micro-moments of self-care into your daily routine. Think drinking your coffee while it's hot, taking a walk during your child's therapy session, or even a one-song dance party in the kitchen.

Remember, resilience isn't about never struggling but about having the strength to bounce back. Self-care is essential for that, and you deserve it. Be sure to check out my free Thrive in 5! SOS Toolkit for more strategies to help you recharge.

Thanks for listening/watching! Catch you next week.

* Please note: names used in this podcast may have been changed to protect the identity of my coaching clients and their children.

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Resources Mentioned In This Episode

• Grab your free copy of the Thrive in 5! SOS Toolkit here!

• Martyr Mom Island - What Is It and How Can You Avoid It

• What is an Empowered and Engaged Autism Parent

• Revitalize and Recharge: Making Self-Care a Priority as an Autism Parent

• From Anger to Empathy: Cultivating Emotional Resilience with Anger Releasing Meditation for Autism Parents

Transcript

Hey, I’m Karen. And I’m a mom to two amazingly neurospicy autistic kiddos. If you’re an autism parent like me, you know I don’t have the time to make a podcast intro. I also lack the tech skills, so let’s just get into it…this is the NeurOrdinary Podcast!

Hi there, and welcome to NeurOrdinary! I’m Karen Kossow, your self-care and resilience coach, a fellow neurospicy autism parent, and someone who understands just how overwhelming life can feel when you’re trying to juggle parenting, work, and everything in between. If you’ve ever thought, “Self-care? That’s a luxury I can’t afford right now,” then this episode is for you.

Let’s be real: self-care can feel impossible when you’re running on empty and putting everyone else’s needs first. But here’s the thing—your experience, your emotions, and your struggles are valid. You’re not alone in feeling this way. Today, we’re going to talk about why self-care feels so out of reach for many of us, how to move past the guilt, and why even small acts of care are powerful steps toward building resilience.

By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical strategies to reframe your relationship with self-care, a deeper understanding of why it’s okay to feel the way you do, and encouragement to take those small but meaningful steps. Plus, I’ll share some insights from a client’s journey that might just resonate with your own.

Why Self-Care Feels Out of Reach

Let’s start by unpacking why self-care can feel like a luxury. For many parents, especially autism parents, the demands of daily life are relentless. Therapy appointments, meltdowns, sensory sensitivities, and navigating school systems can leave little time or energy for yourself. One of my clients said to me, “Karen, if I take time for myself, who’s going to pick up the slack? It’s not like I have extra hands waiting to jump in.”

Sound familiar? The truth is, that society often glorifies the idea of the “sacrificial parent”—the one who does it all without breaking. But this mindset leaves no room for you. It tells you that your needs don’t matter, and worse, it makes you feel guilty for even thinking about prioritizing yourself. And then that behavior is one we model for our kids which creates a lasting ripple effect that can negatively affect them as they grow, especially if they become parents themselves, someday.

Why does this happen? Part of it is the narrative we’re fed, but it’s also because many of us don’t have systems of support that allow us to step away, even briefly. And let’s not forget that being an autism parent comes with unique challenges that most parenting advice simply doesn’t address.

Here’s the good news: the fact that self-care feels hard doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. Give yourself grace. Acknowledge the difficulty without judgment. And that client I just mentioned, when we worked together, her first step wasn’t carving out an hour for a spa day. It was taking two minutes to sit on her porch with a cup of tea while her kids were occupied. Small, but powerful.

Your needs are valid, and it’s okay to start small. Self-care isn’t about luxury; it’s about survival and resilience. So let’s dive in!

Moving Past the Guilt

Guilt is one of the biggest barriers to self-care. You might think, “If I take time for myself, I’m taking time away from my child.” That’s a natural thought, but let’s reframe it.

Another client, Mike, felt this deeply. As the parent of a 7-year-old autistic son, Mike was constantly on edge, worrying about meeting his child’s needs. When I asked him, “What do you do for yourself?” his response was, “I don’t have time. My son needs me more than I need anything.”

Over time, Mike began to realize something: when he pushed himself to the brink of exhaustion, he wasn’t showing up as the patient, attentive parent he wanted to be. Together, we worked on reframing self-care as a way to give his son the best version of himself. Mike started with something simple—using the Reset Breath when he felt himself becoming overwhelmed. It was a game-changer. He told me, “When I take those few seconds to breathe, I’m able to handle my son’s meltdowns without snapping.”

Why It Works: Guilt thrives when we view self-care as selfish. But when you understand that taking care of yourself helps you take care of others, the guilt begins to lose its grip.

Tips to Overcome Guilt:

Remind yourself that self-care is an act of love, not selfishness.

Start with small, guilt-free moments—like drinking your coffee while it’s hot or taking a walk while your child is in therapy.

Reflect on how these moments improve your mood and energy. Over time, this can help you see the benefits not just for you but for your family.

Self-care isn’t something you take from your family. It’s something you give to them by ensuring you’re at your best.

Small Steps Build Resilience

Let’s talk about resilience. Resilience isn’t about never struggling; it’s about bouncing back when you do. And here’s the truth: self-care is one of the most effective ways to build resilience.

One of my clients, Emma, felt like she was constantly “just getting through the day.” She described her life as a never-ending loop of managing meltdowns, advocating for her child’s needs, and falling into bed exhausted. Together, we worked on integrating micro-moments of self-care into her day. One of her favorites? The “one-song dance party.”

Whenever Emma felt stress bubbling over, she’d play her favorite song, grab her headphones, and dance in the kitchen. It sounds simple, but it had a huge impact. “Those three minutes gave me energy I didn’t know I had,” she told me.

Why does this work? Because resilience grows through small, consistent actions. Micro-moments like a dance party, stepping outside for fresh air, or writing down one thing you’re grateful for help your brain reset and recharge.

Challenges and Tips

Now, I know you may be thinking a lot of things right now, like “I’ll forget to take those moments.”Let’s be honest—we all have the best intentions, but when life gets busy, self-care is usually the first thing that slips through the cracks. That’s why it’s so important to build reminders into your routine. Try setting an alarm on your phone with a little message like, “Take a breath,” or, “Pause for yourself.” These gentle nudges can be just the thing to pull you out of autopilot.

Another idea is to pair your self-care moments with things you already do. For example, take a deep breath while brushing your teeth or practice gratitude while waiting for your coffee to brew. These moments don’t have to be elaborate—they just need to be intentional.

Still worried you’ll forget? Leave visual reminders in places you’ll see them. A sticky note on your bathroom mirror or a screensaver on your phone with a calming message can help. One mom I worked with put a small pebble in her pocket, and every time she felt it, she’d take a moment to breathe and reset. It’s a small trick, but it worked wonders for her.

And if you're saying “I’d feel silly doing this.”Oh, I get it—it can feel awkward at first. Maybe you think, “Why am I doing deep breathing while I’m waiting for the toast to pop?” But here’s the thing: resilience isn’t about looking cool. It’s about doing what works. Sometimes that means embracing the silliness.

The key is focusing on how it makes you feel. After a week of consistent micro-moments, you might notice that you’re snapping less or feeling more present. That’s the real payoff. And honestly, who cares if it looks a little funny? Your well-being is worth it.

Think of it this way: you wouldn’t hesitate to give your child tools to feel better, even if they seemed unconventional. Extend that same compassion to yourself. If a one-song dance party or a few deep breaths helps you recharge, lean into it.

Resilience isn’t about grand gestures. It’s built in the small, intentional moments that remind you of your strength. It’s not about doing everything perfectly; it’s about showing up for yourself, even in small ways. So start small, embrace the silly, and celebrate every little win along the way. Over time, these tiny actions will add up to a big shift in how you handle life’s challenges.

Conclusion

Let’s take a moment to recap:

If Self-Care Can Feels Out of Reach: It’s okay to feel this way. Acknowledge the difficulty without judgment, and start with small, manageable steps.

Then, Move Past the Guilt: Reframe self-care as an act of love for your family and yourself. Small moments can make a big difference.

Finally, Small Steps Build Resilience: Micro-actions like dancing, breathing, or stepping outside help you recharge and face challenges with renewed energy.

Here’s what I want you to remember: self-care is not a luxury. It’s a necessity. You deserve it, and your family deserves a version of you who feels supported and cared for.

If today’s episode resonated with you, I encourage you to download my free Self-Care SOS Toolkit. It’s filled with practical strategies to help you recharge, including a bonus Meltdown Recovery Guide to help you reset after even the toughest moments. You can find the link in the show notes or on my website, OutOfYourOrdinary.com.

Thanks for listening! New episodes of the NeurOrdinary Podcast drop every Thursday. Until then, remember: self-care is never selfish—it’s how you thrive.

Don’t forget to like and subscribe, and if you’re feeling generous leave a comment or review to let me know what you thought about today’s episode. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with other autism parents you know who might benefit from these insights. And whatever you do, keep it spicy!