Hey there! In this episode of NeurOrdinary, I'm diving into a topic that's difficult for many neurodivergent and autism parents: self-care. As a self-care and resilience coach, I'm here to remind you that taking time for yourself isn't selfish—it's essential. Parenting can feel like juggling a million things, and the guilt of stepping away for a breather can be overwhelming.
But here's the truth: prioritizing yourself is one of the most loving things you can do for your family.
We'll explore three key strategies to help you integrate self-care into your life without compromising the care you give to your family. First, we'll tackle that pesky guilt, learning to see it as a signal instead of a verdict. I'll share stories of my clients, like Sarah, who learned to use guilt as a reminder of how much they care, rather than letting it stop them.
Next, we'll discuss setting boundaries that support everyone. Boundaries aren't barriers—they're bridges to healthier relationships. I'll tell you about James, who found peace in a simple nightly routine that helped him recharge and be more present for his family.
Finally, we'll talk about weaving self-care into your daily routine. It doesn't have to be elaborate or time-consuming. I'll give you tips on finding micro-moments throughout your day for self-care, just like my client Maria did with her morning breaths or listening to a calming playlist. Remember, small steps can lead to big changes! Tune in and learn how to prioritize yourself, because you deserve to feel supported and resilient.
* Please note: names used in this podcast may have been changed to protect the identity of my coaching clients and their children.
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Resources Mentioned In This Episode
- Join The Self-Care Support Squad Substack! For just $7/month get access to monthly group coaching calls, replays of The Ultimate Autism Parents Self-Care Workshop, and more!
Transcript
Hi there, and welcome to another episode of NeurOrdinary! I’m Karen Kossow, your self-care and resilience coach, and as always, I’m thrilled to have you here. Whether you’re folding laundry, driving to therapy, or sneaking in a moment of quiet, I hope today’s episode feels like a breath of fresh air.
Let me ask you something: Have you ever felt a pang of guilt when you even think about prioritizing yourself? If you’re anything like me, the answer is a resounding yes. And as autism parents, it feels like there’s never enough of you to go around—your time, your energy, your attention. Taking time for yourself can feel impossible, even selfish, when your family needs so much.
But here’s the truth: prioritizing yourself is not neglecting your family. In fact, it’s one of the most loving things you can do for them. When you’re burned out, either “regular” burnout (and I’m air quoting that for you audio podcast listeners) or the more insidious autistic burnout, it’s hard to show up as the parent, partner, or person you want to be.
Today, we’re talking about how to overcome that guilt and take care of yourself without compromising the care you give to your family.
In this episode, we’ll dive into three key strategies: reframing guilt so it stops holding you back, creating boundaries that work for your family, and practical ways to integrate self-care into your daily life. By the end, I hope you’ll feel empowered to give yourself permission to prioritize your needs. Let’s dive in.
Reframe Guilt as a Signal, Not a Verdict
Let’s start with guilt. That nagging voice that tells you, “You shouldn’t take a break” or “You’re letting everyone down.” First, let me say this: guilt is not proof that you’re doing something wrong. It’s a signal, and like all signals, it’s worth examining.
Think about it: Guilt often shows up when you’re trying to balance two competing priorities—your needs and your family’s needs. One of my clients, Sarah, shared that she felt guilty every time she stepped away for even 10 minutes to sit in silence. Her internal monologue would say, “If I’m not available, who will help my child with their homework? What if they have a meltdown?!” But when Sarah dug deeper, she realized her guilt wasn’t telling her she was a bad mom. It was reminding her how deeply she cared about her family.
Instead of letting guilt stop you, use it as a chance to ask questions: “Why am I feeling this way? What does this guilt want me to notice?” Often, it’s a sign that you’re holding yourself to impossible standards. You don’t have to choose between being a good parent and taking care of yourself. You can do both.
If guilt feels overwhelming and hard to shake, Start small. The next time guilt pops up, pause and remind yourself, “This feeling is a signal, not a truth.” Then, ask yourself, “What do I need right now to feel balanced?” Practicing this mindset shift regularly can help you reframe guilt as a sign of care, not failure.
Remember, feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re human and deeply invested in your family’s well-being. You’re allowed to care about yourself, too.
Create Boundaries That Support Everyone
Boundaries are a form of self-care, and they’re essential for managing guilt. When you set clear boundaries, you’re not just protecting your time and energy; you’re also teaching your family that it’s okay to take care of yourself.
Let’s take another one of my clients, James. He found himself saying yes to every request—from extended family asking for favors to his child wanting help with every small task. James reached a point where he felt completely drained but didn’t know how to say no without feeling like he was letting everyone down.
Here’s what worked for James: He started with one small boundary. He told his family, “From 8:00 to 8:15 every evening, I’m going to sit on the porch by myself. That’s my time to recharge.” At first, his kids struggled with the change. And yes, it required some redirecting and took some time. But within a week or two, they learned to respect that boundary, and James noticed he felt more patient and present during the rest of the evening.
It Works because Boundaries create clarity. They help your family, and others, understand what you need while showing them that self-care is a healthy and normal part of life. It’s not about shutting people out; it’s about creating space so you can show up more fully.
If boundaries feel selfish or hard to enforce, Start small. Pick one boundary that feels manageable and communicate it clearly and kindly. For example, “I’m going to take 10 minutes after dinner to unwind, and then I’ll help with bedtime.” Reinforce it consistently, and over time, it will become part of your family’s routine.
Remember that Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s essential. When you prioritize your needs, you’re modeling healthy habits for your family and ensuring you have the energy to care for them.
Integrate Self-Care into Your Routine
One of the biggest hurdles for autism parents is finding time for self-care. Between therapy appointments, meal prep, meltdowns, and everything in between, it’s easy to feel like there’s no room left for you. But here’s the good news: self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. It’s not about adding more to your plate—it’s about weaving small, meaningful moments into your day.
Let me paint a picture. Maria, a client of mine, felt like she was running on fumes every single day. She told me, “Karen, I don’t even know what self-care would look like for me anymore. My day is so packed there’s just no space.” Sound familiar? Maria’s schedule was indeed full, but when we worked together to take a closer look, we found little pockets of time she hadn’t been using intentionally. These moments weren’t long—just a minute here and there—but they were opportunities to recharge.
Here’s what Maria did: Every morning while her coffee brewed, she started practicing deep breathing. Just a simple inhale for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for six. It took less than a minute, but it helped her begin her day with a sense of calm instead of rushing headfirst into the chaos. She also realized that her nightly doom scroll on her phone wasn’t helping her unwind. Instead, she replaced it with a few minutes of gentle stretching and a short guided meditation before bed. These tiny changes made a massive impact on how she felt throughout her day.
Why does this work? Because self-care becomes sustainable when it fits into your existing routine. By tying it to something you’re already doing—like waiting for coffee, brushing your teeth, or sitting in the car during pick-up—you’re more likely to stick with it. It’s not about reinventing your day; it’s about making small shifts that feel natural and achievable.
Now, you might hear this and think, “Karen, I don’t even have five minutes.” I hear you, and I get it. Start smaller. Use just one minute to jot down three things you’re grateful for on a sticky note. Stand up and stretch your arms overhead to release tension. Close your eyes and take a single deep breath. These micro-moments may seem insignificant, but they’re not. Each small action is like planting a seed that grows into something much bigger over time.
Let me share another example. One mom I worked with realized that the few minutes she spent in the car waiting for school pick-up could become her self-care time. She kept a calming playlist on her phone and used those moments to listen to her favorite songs and breathe deeply. Another parent turned her morning routine into a self-care ritual. While waiting for her kids’ oatmeal to cook, she’d sip her tea mindfully, focusing on its warmth and flavor rather than scrolling her phone or multitasking.
Self-care doesn’t require an hour of uninterrupted time or a perfectly curated plan. It’s about giving yourself permission to start where you are. Those micro-moments may not feel life-changing at first, but over time, they build resilience and provide the emotional energy you need to keep going.
So here’s my challenge to you: Look at your day. Where are those small windows of time you can reclaim? Maybe it’s during your coffee break, while you’re waiting at a red light, or even during your child’s favorite cartoon. Start small, experiment, and see what feels good. Because even the smallest steps can lead to big changes over time. You deserve this.
Conclusion
Let’s take a moment to recap the three strategies we explored today:
Reframe Guilt as a Signal, Not a Verdict
Guilt isn’t proof that you’re doing something wrong. It’s often a signal that you care deeply about your role as a parent. Instead of letting guilt consume you, try reframing it. See it as a reminder of your values and your love for your family. When guilt arises, pause and ask yourself, “What is this guilt trying to tell me?” Sometimes, it’s nudging you toward balance—an invitation to align your actions with both your needs and your family’s. Guilt doesn’t have to be the enemy. It can be a tool to help you reflect and grow.
Create Boundaries That Support Everyone
Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re bridges to healthier relationships and greater well-being. When you set boundaries, you’re teaching your family that your time and energy are valuable, and that self-care is important for everyone. These boundaries might look like carving out 10 minutes of quiet time each evening, asking for help with household tasks, or scheduling a non-negotiable weekly activity just for you.
Remember, boundaries aren’t just for you; they benefit your family too. When your kids see you setting and respecting boundaries, they learn to do the same. It’s a skill that will serve them throughout their lives. And while it might feel uncomfortable at first, the more you practice, the more natural it will become. Boundaries are an act of love—for yourself and your family.
Integrate Self-Care into Your Routine
Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. It’s about finding small, intentional moments that fit into your life as it is right now. Whether it’s practicing deep breathing while your coffee brews, stepping outside for fresh air during pick-up, or jotting down a quick gratitude list at bedtime, these micro-moments add up. Over time, they create a foundation of resilience and calm that can carry you through the challenges of parenting.
Even on the hardest days, remember that self-care isn’t about luxury—it’s about survival and thriving. These small steps show your family, and yourself, that your well-being matters.
I hope today’s episode has inspired you to prioritize yourself without guilt. Remember, taking care of yourself is not neglecting your family—it’s one of the most loving things you can do for them. When you care for yourself, you’re modeling resilience, mindfulness, and self-respect for your children. You’re showing them that it’s okay to rest, recharge, and ask for what you need.
You deserve to feel supported, energized, and resilient. Your family deserves the best version of you—a version that feels cared for and empowered to navigate life’s ups and downs. And here’s the truth: small steps can create big shifts.
So take a deep breath, give yourself permission to start where you are, and remember that you’re not alone in this journey. You’ve got this.
If you found today’s episode helpful, I invite you to join my Substack community, the Self-Care Support Squad. For just $7 a month, you’ll get access to live coaching calls, exclusive articles, and a supportive community of parents who truly get it. You can find the link in the show notes.
Thank you for spending this time with me today. Until next week, please remember: you are worth the care you give to everyone else. See you next Thursday!
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