Hey there! In this episode of NeurOrdinary, I dive into the ripple effect of self-care and why it's not just about pampering yourself—it's a game changer for your whole family. As a self-care and resilience coach, I know how challenging it can be to find time for yourself, especially when you're navigating parenting and neurodivergence.
We start with why self-care isn't selfish but essential.
You'll hear about Megan, a parent who felt depleted before discovering how small self-care steps could lead to big positive changes in her family life. You'll learn practical strategies for sneaking in those little moments for yourself, like setting boundaries and practicing gratitude.
We'll chat about how your emotional regulation can improve when you take even a little bit of time to recharge. Plus, modeling these healthy habits can be a powerful lesson for your kids, teaching them the value of self-care.
Being present with your family isn’t always easy when you're exhausted, but self-care helps create meaningful connections and stronger relationships. And remember, the energy you bring to your household sets the tone for everyone else. So, take a breath and find those moments of calm amidst the chaos.
Tune in and see how self-care can make a delightful difference in your life and home! Until next time, keep it spicy, and remember, you matter...and so does your self-care.
* Please note: names used in this podcast may have been changed to protect the identity of my coaching clients and their children.
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Resources Mentioned In This Episode
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Transcript
Hi there, and welcome to another episode of NeurOrdinary! I’m Karen Kossow, your self-care and resilience coach, here to guide you through the beautiful, challenging, and often overwhelming journey of parenting while navigating neurodivergence - whether that’s your own, your partner’s or your kiddo’s. I’m so glad you’re here because today’s topic is something I feel passionately about: the ripple effect of self-care.
Let me ask you a question: How often do you hear yourself say, “I don’t have time for self-care”? If you’re anything like most parents I talk to, it’s probably more often than you’d like. Here’s the thing: prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish. In fact, when you care for yourself, the positive effects extend far beyond you. They ripple outward, influencing your mood, your parenting, and even your family’s overall well-being.
In today’s episode, we’re going to explore exactly how taking care of yourself creates these ripples. You’ll learn practical strategies for incorporating self-care into your life and see how even small changes can lead to big shifts for your family. By the end of our time together, I hope you’ll feel inspired to prioritize yourself, not just for your own sake but for the people you love most.
Before we dive in let me share a quick story. A parent I worked with, let’s call her Megan, came to me feeling completely depleted. Her days were consumed by therapy appointments, school meetings, and endless caregiving tasks. She felt guilty every time she thought about doing something for herself. And she told me, she was too tired to even try. But once Megan started taking small steps toward self-care, she noticed something incredible: her patience grew, her connection with her child deepened, and her home felt calmer. And, she had more energy to devote to her self-care…That’s the ripple effect in action, and it’s what we’ll be talking about today.
So, grab a cup of coffee or tea, settle in, and let’s dive into how caring for yourself can transform not just your life but your family’s as well.
Self-Care Improves Emotional Regulation
Let’s start with one of the most immediate ways self-care impacts your family: it helps you manage your emotions. When you’re constantly running on empty, it’s easy to feel irritable, overwhelmed, or reactive. But when you take even a little time to recharge, you’re better equipped to handle life’s challenges with patience and calm.
Imagine this: Your child is having a meltdown, and you’re already at your wit’s end. You’re running on caffeine and stress, and snapping feels inevitable. Now, contrast that with a day when you’ve had even a few minutes to yourself. Maybe you practiced a breathing exercise, journaled, or enjoyed a quiet moment with your morning coffee. That small act of care helps you enter the situation with more bandwidth and emotional resilience.
One parent I know, Laura, started taking 5 minutes every morning to sit quietly and practice gratitude. She told me, “I didn’t think 5 minutes would make a difference, but it does. I’m calmer when my kids need me, and I don’t feel like I’m constantly on the edge.”
Here’s Why This Works: When you care for yourself, you’re teaching your brain and body to regulate stress. This doesn’t just benefit you; it creates a calmer environment for your family, too.
If your challenge is: “I don’t have 5 minutes,” start with 1 minute. Use your Reset Breath—inhale for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for six. Pair it with something you already do, like waiting for your coffee to brew or brushing your teeth. Start small, but start somewhere.
Because emotional regulation is a skill that grows with practice. The more you invest in your own well-being, the more you’ll notice positive shifts in how you handle tough moments.
Modeling Healthy Habits for Your Family
Another powerful ripple effect of self-care is the example you set for your family. When your children see you prioritizing your needs, they learn that self-care is a normal, healthy part of life. This is especially important for neurodivergent kids, who may struggle with understanding boundaries and emotional self-regulation.
Take James, for example. He started setting a boundary that every evening, after dinner, he would take 10 minutes to read a book or listen to music. At first, his kids resisted. But over time, they saw that this routine made James happier and more present during family time. Soon, his daughter began creating her own version of self-care, taking a few minutes each day to color quietly while he was reading. Don't discount that side-by-side time with your kids!
Here’s why This Works: Kids learn by watching. When you show them that it’s okay to rest, recharge, and set boundaries, you’re teaching them lifelong skills they’ll carry with them.
And if you’re saying “I feel guilty setting boundaries with my kids,’ frame it as a positive. For example, “I’m going to take 10 minutes to relax so I can be my best self for you.” Over time, your kids will come to respect and possibly even emulate these habits. And honestly, better that you set some intentional boundaries to get the time and space you need to feel your best rather than blow up when you don’t get that time to yourself - and yes, we’ve all been there and there’s no judgement here! We’re all just doing the best we can in the moment with what we have…the thing about self-care is it buds your resilience and makes those moments fewer and farther between.
Remember, you’re not just taking care of yourself; you’re showing your family how to care for themselves, too. That’s a gift that will serve them for a lifetime.
Strengthening Family Connections Through Presence
When you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, it’s hard to be fully present with your family. But when you take steps to recharge, you’re better able to engage meaningfully with your loved ones.
Let’s talk about Megan again. Before prioritizing self-care, she felt like she was always going through the motions—physically there but emotionally distant. After incorporating small acts of self-care, like journaling and practicing mindfulness, she noticed a shift. “I’m more present with my son now,” she said. “When he talks to me, I’m really listening instead of thinking about everything I need to do.” Or, like me - so burnt out I literally can’t focus on what my kids are saying to me (especially if they’re talking about Minecraft or LEGO).
And here’s Why This Works: Self-care gives you the capacity to be present. When you’re not running on empty, you can truly show up for your family, creating deeper connections and stronger relationships.
Now, one of the most common things I hear my clients telling me, besides how tired they are, is “I feel selfish taking time for myself.” You need to reframe that! Reframe self-care as an investment in your family’s well-being. When you’re recharged, you’re able to give your best to the people you love most.
Presence is one of the greatest gifts you can give your family. By caring for yourself, you’re creating the emotional space to connect more deeply with them in the ways that matter most to them…and you.
Reducing Stress in Your Household
The final ripple effect we’ll talk about today is how your self-care directly impacts the overall tone of your home. When you’re calm and grounded, that energy naturally spreads to your family. On the flip side, when you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or running on fumes, that energy can ripple out just as strongly—sometimes in ways you don’t even realize until later.
Picture this: A morning starts with a meltdown—yours or your kiddo’s, it really doesn’t matter. You’re running late, the backpack is still unpacked, and someone can’t find their shoes. Emotions are running high, and before you know it, everyone in the house feels frazzled. If you’re already stressed, it’s easy for that tension to escalate. A raised voice here, a slammed door there, and suddenly the whole morning feels like a chain reaction of frustration.
Now imagine the same scenario, but with a small shift. Let’s say you’ve taken just 60 seconds to center yourself before the chaos begins. Maybe it’s a quick breathing exercise or a moment of mindfulness while brushing your teeth. You’re still running late, and yes, the shoes are still missing, but you approach the situation differently. Instead of escalating the tension, you find yourself pausing, taking a breath, and responding calmly. That calm energy can help diffuse the stress for everyone else, too.
This isn’t about magically fixing every chaotic moment—it’s about creating space to respond rather than react. That small change can make all the difference.
Why does this work? Because emotions are contagious, especially for neurodivergent brains, both big and small. When you’re regulated, you model calmness for your family, showing them how to navigate challenges without letting stress take over. Your energy sets the tone for your household, and even small steps toward self-care create a ripple of calm that influences everyone around you.
And let’s be real: If your household feels anything like mine, you might be thinking, “Karen, my house feels chaotic no matter what I do!” I hear you. Chaos happens. Life with kids, especially neurodivergent ones, often feels like a rollercoaster that doesn’t stop. But here’s the key: focus on what’s within your control.
You can’t eliminate every stressor, and you can’t always predict when the next meltdown—or unexpected disaster—will strike. But you can control how you respond to those moments. Start with one small habit that anchors you in calmness, like a daily gratitude practice or a Reset Breath. These tiny acts of self-care don’t just help you—they set the tone for your home.
Here’s an example: I worked with a mom who described her mornings as “pure chaos.” She started practicing the Reset Breath during the 30 seconds it took to pour cereal into bowls. She thought it wouldn’t make much of a difference, but it did. “That one breath slows everything down for me,” she told me. “When I’m calmer, my kids notice. It doesn’t fix everything, but it makes the chaos feel manageable.”
Another parent I worked with created a “calm zone” for herself—a small corner in her home where she could step away for 2-3 minutes when things got too overwhelming. She didn’t have a lot of space, so her calm zone was just a chair, a cozy blanket, and a pair of noise-canceling headphones. But those few minutes to regroup helped her reset, and her kids quickly learned to recognize when “Mom needs her calm time.” Over time, they even started creating their own mini calm zones!
It’s important to remember that calm doesn’t mean perfection. Your house might still feel loud, busy, and messy, but small, intentional acts of self-care can shift the overall energy in powerful ways. Even if the chaos doesn’t disappear, the way you experience it changes.
So, if you’re thinking, “This all sounds great, but I’m already overwhelmed just trying to get through the day,” here’s my advice: Start small. Pick one simple action that feels achievable. Maybe it’s three deep breaths before getting out of bed, or writing down one thing you’re grateful for at the end of the day. These aren’t grand gestures—they’re practical, manageable ways to reclaim a sense of calm amidst the chaos.
Your calm is a gift to your family. It’s a reminder that even in the busiest, messiest moments, peace is possible. When you take care of yourself, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re creating a more peaceful and supportive home environment for everyone.
And here’s the best part: this isn’t an all-or-nothing effort. Some days will feel calmer than others. Some days, that deep breath might be all you can manage, and that’s okay. Every small step toward self-care adds up, creating ripples that make your household a little lighter and your heart a little fuller.
Conclusion
Let’s recap what we’ve learned today about the ripple effect of self-care:
- Self-Care Improves Emotional Regulation: When you take time to recharge, you’re better equipped to handle stress and challenges, creating a calmer environment for your family.
- Modeling Healthy Habits for Your Family: By prioritizing yourself, you teach your children the value of boundaries, rest, and emotional well-being.
- Strengthening Family Connections Through Presence: Self-care gives you the capacity to truly engage with your loved ones, deepening your relationships.
- Reducing Stress in Your Household: Your calm energy can influence the entire tone of your home, creating a more peaceful and supportive environment.
The ripple effect of self-care is real, and it starts with small, intentional steps. When you care for yourself, you’re not just benefiting your own well-being—you’re positively impacting your entire family. And here’s the most important takeaway: you deserve this. You deserve care, rest, and moments of peace, just as much as anyone else in your family.
If today’s episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to join my Substack community, the Self-Care Support Squad. For just $7 a month, you’ll get access to live coaching calls, exclusive articles, and a supportive space where we share tips, celebrate wins, and remind each other that we’re not alone. You can find the link in the show notes.
Thank you for taking this time for yourself today. Until next week, keep it spicy, and remember: your care matters, and it creates ripples of love, strength, and calm that reach far beyond you.
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