On episode 11 of NeurOrdinary, we’ll talk tips, strategies, and a bit of heartfelt advice to help strengthen your marriage as you navigate the roles of autism parent and spouse. Balancing these roles can sometimes feel like riding a roller coaster blindfolded, but fret not…I’m here to help!

Together, we’ll explore how open and honest communication with your partner can create a safe space to share your thoughts, worries, and triumphs as you navigate the ups and downs of autism parenting. 

We also discuss the power of active listening without judgment and finding common ground, even when you have different perspectives. And we delve into the significance of prioritizing quality time for you and your spouse or partner. 

Finally, we’ll talk about the value of setting aside dedicated couples' time to rediscover each other and nurture your emotional connection. Whether it's a simple at-home date night or a walk in your favorite park, these moments of togetherness hold the magic that strengthens your relationship.

Join us on NeurOrdinary as we provide practical advice, insights, and a supportive community for autism parents like you. You are not alone on this journey. Together, we can find joy and fulfillment in raising our incredible neurospicy kiddos.

Prefer an audio-only format?! Tune in on Spotify or your favorite podcasting platform. Don't see your preferred podcast program listed? Contact me here to make a suggestion for where you'd like to listen to NeurOrdinary.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

Why Autism Dads Matter…The Power of Father-Child Relationships in Autism

3 Reasons Why You Need An Autism Parent Coach

Autism Parent Coach vs. Therapist...Which Is Better For Autism Parents?

Martyr Mom Island - What Is It and How Can You Avoid It?

Revitalize and Recharge: Making Self-Care a Priority as an Autism Parent

Transcript

Hey, I’m Karen. And I’m a mom to two amazingly neuropsicy autistic kiddos. If you’re an autism parent like me, you know I don’t have the time to make a podcast intro. I also lack the tech skills, so let’s just get into it…this is the NeurOrdinary Podcast!

Welcome back to another episode of NeurOrdinary, the podcast dedicated to supporting autism parents as they navigate the ups and downs of their unique parenting journey. Today, we're jumping in with both feet on a topic that affects many of us in the autism parent community: and that's how you balance your roles as a parent and a spouse.

It's a topic that's close to my heart. I'm on this journey too, parenting two autistic children while trying to maintain a loving and healthy marriage.

Trust me, I know it can sometimes feel like you’re riding a roller coaster blindfolded. The twists and turns you likely deal with can strain even the strongest of relationships. But fret not, fellow parents! In today's episode, we'll explore some tips and strategies to help strengthen your marriage as you parent your little spice-lings.

Now, I know that maintaining a happy and healthy marriage can sometimes feel like an uphill battle even when you aren’t facing the additional challenges that autism brings to the table. The everyday, run-of-the-mill parenting challenges can be overwhelming, and the constant demands of parenting can leave you feeling exhausted. Add in an autistic kiddo or two (or three or more!), and things can get rocky, fast. But remember, your relationship is worth investing in, and you both deserve a fulfilling, loving partnership.

So, let's dive into the first tip!

Tip #1: Communication is Key

Communication – it's the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and when you're parenting an autistic child, it becomes even more crucial. You and your partner must be on the same page, working together as a team.

One thing I've learned on this journey is the importance of open and honest communication. Let's break down the elements of effective communication as it relates to autism parenting:

1. Share Thoughts and Worries

Parenting an autistic child often brings a whirlwind of thoughts and worries. You might be concerned about your child's development, therapy progress, or how to manage sensory sensitivities. It's essential to create a safe space for these conversations with your partner. Express your concerns and fears openly. Sometimes, just vocalizing these worries can be incredibly relieving. Remember, you're in this together, and your partner's perspective can offer valuable insights.

2. Celebrate Triumphs

Amid the challenges, there are moments of triumph, both big and small. Perhaps your child mastered a new skill or made a meaningful connection. When these moments happen, share them with your partner. Celebrate the small wins together. These shared celebrations not only reinforce your child's progress but also strengthen your bond as a couple. It's a reminder that you're an unstoppable team and that you’re in this, together.

3. Discuss Progress and Challenges

Autism parenting often involves a bunch of therapies, interventions, and educational approaches. Keeping track of your child's progress and challenges can feel like a full-time job...and that’s because it kind of is. That's where open communication becomes your secret weapon. Discuss with your partner how your child is responding to various strategies. Ask for their help! One parent should not be doing all the paperwork and assessments - you should ideally be involved equally. If you notice significant progress with a particular therapy or educational approach, communicate this with your partner. Sharing these insights helps both of you stay informed and engaged in your child's development.

4. Listen Without Judgment

Sometimes, autism parenting can be emotionally charged. You might have different opinions on how to address specific challenges or concerns. It's vital to create an atmosphere where you can listen to each other without judgment. Your partner's perspective, even if different from yours, can provide fresh insights and solutions. Instead of viewing differences as roadblocks or a reason to argue, see them as opportunities for growth and learning.

5. Find Common Ground

Autism parenting doesn't come with a one-size-fits-all manual. It's a journey of discovery, trial, and error. Sometimes, you and your partner may have different approaches to certain aspects of parenting. One or both of you are also likely to be neurodiverse in some way, and communication may be an area where one or both of you struggle. That's perfectly okay! What matters most is finding common ground via whatever means of communication works for you both. Discuss your respective approaches and opinions, and look for ways to integrate the best of both worlds. Collaboration and compromise can lead to innovative strategies that benefit your child.

To wrap it up, remember that effective communication in the context of autism parenting involves sharing your thoughts, worries, and triumphs openly. It means celebrating progress and discussing challenges with your partner. It requires active listening without judgment and finding common ground, even when you have differing opinions. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and your partnership can be a powerful force in your child's development.

Tip #2: Prioritize Quality Time

In the whirlwind of everything you have going on, it's easy to forget to make time for each other. But let's talk about the significance of spending quality time together because it's truly the heartbeat of a resilient relationship.

1. Rediscover Each Other

The everyday challenges of autism parenting can sometimes make you feel like you're two ships passing in the night. That's why I encourage you to set aside dedicated couples time. This time is your opportunity to rediscover each other, peel back the layers of responsibilities, and just be yourselves. Remember the early days of your relationship? It was filled with curiosity, laughter, and shared dreams. Quality time lets you revisit those moments. Even if it’s an at-home “date night” where you have a cup of tea and make a plan to focus on yourselves after the kids go to bed.

2. The Essence of Connection

Y'all know how much I love plant-style self-care, so I’m going to stick with the plant metaphors here…your relationship is like a garden. It requires nurturing to bloom. Quality time serves as the water and sunlight for your emotional connection. It's during these moments that you're not just co-parents or housemates; you're intimate confidants and friends. You talk about your hopes, your dreams, and the quirky, endearing things that make you who you are. It's in these moments of togetherness that you remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place.

3. Simplicity Is Key

Quality time doesn't need to be extravagant or meticulously planned. The simplicity of it can often hold the most beauty. It could be as uncomplicated as sharing a homemade meal at the kitchen table after the kids are in bed. Or perhaps a leisurely stroll through your favorite park. These understated moments are where the magic often resides. There's no pressure to perform or impress; you're free to be yourselves.

4. Nurture Your Emotional Bank Account

In relationships, there's a concept called the "emotional bank account." Think of it as a savings account for love and connection. Every quality moment you share is like a deposit into this account. These deposits accumulate, creating a savings account of emotional support and understanding. When life gets tough, and you need that support, you can draw from this account. It's what keeps your relationship resilient during the challenging times.

5. A Ritual of Reconnection

Make quality time a ritual. Schedule it into your life like you would any other important appointment. Just like self-care, it's not an option; it's a necessity. By doing so, you're sending a clear message to yourselves and each other: "Our relationship matters. It deserves our time and attention." This intentionality strengthens your commitment to nurturing your connection.

Tip #3: Self-Care for Both Partners

When you're navigating the complex world of autism parenting, it's not just about caring for your child; it's equally about caring for yourselves.

1. The Self-Care Imperative

Autism parenting can be emotionally and physically demanding. It's like running a marathon where you can't afford to get tired. Yet, that's exactly what happens when you neglect self-care. It's not selfish; it's an absolute necessity. When you and your partner prioritize self-care, you're doing something incredibly vital – you're refilling your physical and emotional reserves. Think of it as recharging your batteries. After all, you can't be the pillar of support your child needs if you're running on empty.

2. The Multitude of Self-Care

Self-care is a broad spectrum, and it's unique to each person. For some, it might mean carving out time for a solo hobby – perhaps painting, writing, or simply going for a long walk. For others, it could be those delightful date nights where you reconnect with your partner, remembering the love that brought you together. And sometimes, self-care can be as simple as sitting quietly with a cup of tea, finding solace in the stillness.

3. The Unwavering Notion

The concept of self-care should be firmly rooted in your mind – it's not optional, it's a lifeline. When you invest in self-care, you're strengthening your emotional and physical resilience. This resilience is your shield against the challenges that autism parenting can throw at you. It allows you to face those challenges with a steadier heart and a clearer mind.

4. The Gift of Encouragement

Alongside prioritizing your own self-care, be a source of encouragement for your partner to do the same. Offer to take over some parenting responsibilities so they can have their well-deserved time for relaxation and rejuvenation. In this journey, you're not just co-navigators but each other's staunchest supporters.

5. The Power of Seeking Support Together

Lastly, consider seeking support as a united front. Autism parenting can be isolating, and sometimes you need to reach out to others who understand your journey. Join autism parenting support groups, attend workshops, or even explore couples therapy if you believe it can strengthen your relationship. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it's a testament to your commitment to each other and your family's well-being.

Self-care is an investment in yourselves and your partnership, ensuring that you have the resilience and the resources to face whatever comes your way. Embrace it, prioritize it, and let it be a gentle reminder that you both deserve to flourish amidst the challenges.

Conclusion

And there you have it, folks – some valuable tips to help you and your partner maintain a strong and loving marriage, no matter what obstacles parenting your autistic kiddos may throw your way. If you’d like a written transcript of this podcast, you can find it on my website, outofyourordinary.com.

One more tip before we wrap up, don’t be afraid or ashamed to reach out for help! If you and your spouse or partner are struggling with past issues and historic challenges you need to work through, a therapist or counselor is your best option to resolve those challenges…

But if you’re looking for support in navigating your new journey as autism parents together or you’re looking for some support in discovering strategies and tools that will help you succeed now and in the future, coaching may just be the answer you’re looking for. Contact me at the link in the show notes for more information on my couples coaching program and how it can help you both thrive as individuals, a couple, and autism parents.

Thanks for listening! New episodes of the NeurOrdinary Podcast drop every Thursday. Don’t forget to like and subscribe, and if you’re feeling generous leave a comment or review to let me know what you thought about today’s episode. And whatever you do, keep it spicy!