Hey there, it's Karen Kossow, your self-care and resilience coach, welcoming you back to another episode of NeurOrdinary. In this week's chat, we're diving into a topic that hits home for so many parents out there—those tough days where nothing seems to go right, and your patience feels like it's on fumes. Trust me, I've been there!
This episode is all about giving yourself permission to truly feel those emotions on challenging parenting days. I share a personal story about a day where everything seemed to be overwhelming at once—like a sensory overload meltdown at the same time as work deadlines. Spoiler alert: I'm far from perfect, but I've learned that perfection isn't the goal. Instead, it's about connecting with our kids and genuinely showing up as our authentic selves.
We explore the power of acknowledging negative emotions without judgment and how these feelings don't make you a bad parent—they make you human. Letting go of the perfect parent ideal can help us focus on the love and connection our kids truly need.
I'll also guide you through taking small, meaningful steps toward healing. I share examples like the "reset minute" or keeping a daily journal highlighting one thing you did well. These small acts can be like little bricks building a strong foundation of well-being and resilience.
If you're navigating the hard days and need self-care tips that actually fit into your crazy schedule, you're in the right place. Grab a glass of water, take a deep breath, and join me. You're stronger than you think, and we've got this together!
* Please note: names used in this podcast may have been changed to protect the identity of my coaching clients and their children.
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Resources Mentioned In This Episode
Transcript
Hi there, and welcome to another episode of NeurOrdinary! I’m Karen Kossow, your self-care and resilience coach, here to remind you that you’re not alone on this journey of parenting while navigating neurodivergence. Today’s topic is one that hits home for so many of us: parenting through the hard days.
You know the days I’m talking about—the ones where it feels like nothing is going right, your patience is running on fumes, and you’re carrying the weight of it all. On those days, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and even guilty for feeling those emotions. But here’s the thing: hard days are part of the journey, and it’s okay to feel them fully.
In this episode, we’re going to talk about why it’s important to give yourself permission to feel all the emotions that come with the hard days and how healing doesn’t mean fixing everything at once—it’s about finding small moments of grace and self-compassion. By the end of this episode, I hope you’ll walk away with a renewed sense of permission to be human and a few practical strategies to carry with you on the tough days.
Let me start by sharing a quick story. I remember a day not long ago when my child had a sensory overload slash homeschool meltdown at the same time I was rushing to finish a work deadline. I felt like nothing was going right—and I certainly wasn’t the patient parent I wanted to be. And I wasn’t giving my work the attention it deserved. By the end of the day, I collapsed on the couch and thought, “Why can’t I handle this better?” What I learned from that experience—and what I want to share with you today—is that it’s not about handling everything perfectly. It’s about allowing yourself to feel the hard moments and giving yourself grace to move through them.
So, let’s dive into what it means to feel and heal on the hard days.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel
The first and most important step is allowing yourself to feel the emotions that come with hard days. Whether it’s frustration, sadness, or even anger, those feelings are valid. You’re human, you might also be neurodivergent or partnered with someone who is. And parenting—especially parenting an autistic child—can be challenging in ways that most people don’t understand.
Think about this: When your child is upset, you likely encourage them to express their emotions rather than bottling them up, right? Bottling that stuff up leads to one place - Meltdown City! Yet, how often do we give ourselves that same permission to express our feelings? It’s easy to push down our feelings because we think we have to stay strong for our families. Or. my personal favorite, we don’t feel like we have time to notice, accept, process, and move on from our feelings. But the truth is, suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away—it just makes them harder to carry.
Take a moment to name what you’re feeling. Maybe it’s, “I’m overwhelmed because I don’t have enough time for myself.” Or, “I feel sad because today didn’t go the way I hoped.” Naming your emotions is the first step to processing them.
If you feel guilty for having negative emotions, remind yourself that feelings aren’t bad—they’re signals. Feeling frustrated or sad doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent; it means you’re navigating something difficult. Normalize those emotions, and know that it’s okay to feel what you feel.
You don’t have to have all the answers or solutions at the moment. Simply allowing yourself to feel is an act of healing.
Let Go of the “Perfect Parent” Ideal
One of the biggest sources of stress on hard days is the unrealistic expectation that we need to be better, or even perfect parents. You might think, “I should have handled that better,” or, “I’m not doing enough.” But here’s the reality: perfection isn’t the goal. Connection is.
Let’s imagine a scenario: Your child refuses to eat the dinner you spent an hour making. You feel your frustration rising, and the voice in your head says, “A good parent wouldn’t lose their temper.” But what if, instead of striving for perfection, you aimed for authenticity? What if you allowed yourself to say, “I’m frustrated because I worked hard on this dinner, but I understand this isn’t what you wanted right now”?
Striving for connection over perfection takes the pressure off and allows you to show up as your authentic self. It’s okay to have moments where you’re not at your best. What matters most is that your child knows you’re there, trying your best. And, if necessary, you apologize to your child for any major missteps that you’ve had.
If, like me, you feel like you’re failing when you don’t handle things perfectly, shift your focus from outcomes to effort. Celebrate the fact that you’re showing up, even when it’s hard. I have a whole podcast episode about perfectionism and autism parenting - I’ll drop the link in the show notes.
Remember, your child doesn’t need a perfect parent—they need a present parent.
Small Steps Toward Healing
Healing on hard days isn’t about fixing everything overnight. Let’s be honest—those days can feel so heavy that even thinking about “healing” might seem impossible. But here’s the thing: healing isn’t about perfection or grand gestures. It’s about finding small moments of grace that help you move forward, one step at a time.
Let me share a story about a mom I know who started a simple but powerful ritual. She called it her “reset minute.” Whenever she felt overwhelmed—whether it was after a meltdown, a tough therapy session, or just the endless demands of the day—she would step outside for one minute. That’s it. One minute. She’d stand on her porch, breathe in the fresh air, feel the sun on her face (or even the chill of the wind), and repeat to herself, “This moment doesn’t define the whole day. It doesn’t define me as a mother.” It was a small act, but it gave her the space she needed to regroup and re-enter the chaos with just a little more calm.
Another parent I worked with found her healing in reflection. She kept a small journal on her bedside table where, at the end of each day, she’d write down one thing she did well. At first, she admitted it felt strange—“What’s the point of writing, ‘I stayed calm during a meltdown,’ or, ‘I remembered to pack a snack for therapy?’” But over time, that practice shifted her perspective. Instead of focusing on what she didn’t accomplish, she started seeing all the ways she showed up for herself and her family, even on the hardest days. That journal became a lifeline. On tough days, she could look back and realize she was stronger, more capable, and doing better than she thought.
Starting Small
When you’re overwhelmed, it can be paralyzing to figure out where to even begin. Everything feels urgent, yet nothing feels manageable. If that’s where you are, I want to encourage you to start with one small act of care.
Maybe it’s as simple as drinking a glass of water. Yes, water. Your body and mind are connected, and even something as basic as hydration can help you feel a little more grounded. Or maybe you send a quick text to a friend to say, “Hey, thinking of you.” That small connection can remind you that you’re not alone.
Another idea: take three deep breaths. It sounds almost too simple, but those breaths can signal your body to shift out of stress mode and into a state of calm. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold it for four seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat that two or three times. It takes less than a minute, but it can reset your nervous system and give you just enough space to tackle what’s next.
Building Momentum
Here’s the beautiful thing about these small acts of care: they build on each other. Drinking water leads to feeling more energized. Texting a friend might turn into a short, uplifting conversation. Taking a deep breath gives you just enough pause to approach the next moment with a little more clarity.
Healing doesn’t have to look dramatic or Instagram-worthy. It doesn’t mean “having it all together.” It’s about giving yourself permission to take one small step at a time. Each of those steps is like laying a tiny brick in the foundation of your well-being. Over time, those small, consistent acts add up to something solid and strong.
If you’re thinking, “But what if one small act isn’t enough?” I want to remind you that healing isn’t about solving everything in one go. It’s about creating space for grace, even in the midst of chaos. And also, you should treat any thought that starts as “what if” as an intrusive thought and not give it any weight or attention., but that’s a separate podcast episode.
Some days, that “reset minute” outside might feel like all you can manage—and that’s okay. Some days, the best you can do might be acknowledging that you got through the day. And that’s okay too. Healing is a journey, not a destination. And it is rarely, if ever, linear.
So today, I want you to give yourself permission to start small. Choose one thing—a glass of water, a deep breath, a quick note of gratitude—and let that be your step forward. You don’t need to fix everything all at once. You just need to take one moment to care for yourself, knowing that each small act is part of a larger, beautiful process of healing and resilience.
Conclusion
Let’s take a moment to revisit the three key points we explored today:
- Give Yourself Permission to Feel
Your emotions are valid. Whether you’re overwhelmed, frustrated, or just plain exhausted, those feelings don’t make you weak—they make you human. Allowing yourself to fully experience your emotions is the first step toward healing. It’s okay to cry in the car, take a moment to scream into a pillow, or feel that pang of guilt. The important thing is to acknowledge those feelings without judgment. They don’t define you, but they do deserve your compassion. - Let Go of the “Perfect Parent” Ideal
Perfection is an impossible standard, yet so many of us hold ourselves to it. But here’s the truth: your kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need you. They need your love, your presence, and your connection. It’s okay to serve frozen chicken nuggets for dinner. It’s okay to skip the Pinterest-worthy activities and focus on cuddling on the couch. Your value as a parent isn’t measured by how many boxes you check off a to-do list—it’s measured by the love and care you show your family, even on the messy days. - Take Small Steps Toward Healing
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey made up of small, intentional moments that add up over time. Celebrate every step you take, no matter how small it might seem. Whether it’s drinking a glass of water, stepping outside for fresh air, or practicing a Reset Breath during a tough moment, each action is a testament to your resilience. These small acts of care remind you that you are worthy of healing and rest.
A Final Word of Encouragement
Parenting through the hard days is never easy. Some days, it feels like the challenges just keep piling up, and it’s hard to see a way through. But here’s what I want you to hold onto: you’re not alone. The weight you feel is real, but so is your strength.
You’re allowed to feel the heaviness of those hard days. You’re allowed to grieve the moments that don’t go as planned and to feel the frustration that comes with constant demands. But you’re also allowed to take the time you need to heal. You don’t have to do it all at once, and you certainly don’t have to do it perfectly.
Remember, healing isn’t about erasing the hard days—it’s about learning how to navigate them with grace and compassion for yourself. Every time you give yourself permission to rest, to feel, to connect, or to take a small step toward self-care, you’re building resilience. And that resilience ripples out to your family, teaching them that it’s okay to struggle and that it’s okay to ask for what they need.
So today, I challenge you to choose one thing—just one—that helps you feel a little more supported or a little more whole. Maybe it’s texting a friend, taking a moment to breathe, or simply giving yourself permission to pause. Whatever it is, know that it matters. You matter.
If today’s episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to check out my Thrive in 5: Self-Care SOS Toolkit. It’s packed with quick, effective strategies to help you find calm and regain balance, even on the hardest days. You can download it for free using the link in the show notes.
Thank you for showing up today—for yourself, and for your family. Parenting through hard days is tough, but you’re tougher. And every small act of care you offer yourself is a testament to your strength.
Until next week, remember: you’re doing an amazing job, even on the hard days. You’ve got this. Talk soon!
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