As a parent of not one, but two autistic children, I know firsthand the challenges that come with navigating the parenting journey without the support of immediate family.
Hi, I'm Karen, the host of NeurOrdinary, a podcast dedicated to discussing the unique experiences of parenting autistic children and finding strength in unconventional places.
In this episode, we delve into the reality of parenting autistic kids when you don't have family support. We explore the demanding nature of raising these incredible children, which often leaves little time for personal pursuits. We acknowledge the importance of self-care, not just for our own well-being, but also for the sake of our children.
I share my personal journey of prioritizing self-care activities. From hobbies and exercise, to therapy and meal planning…despite the absence of family support. We discuss the difficult decision to cut ties with toxic family members, made to protect the happiness and well-being of our children and ourselves.
But it doesn't end there!
We delve into the unexpected positive outcomes that arise from making these difficult decisions.
I open up about how this experience empowered me to become a successful self-care coach and build a new, chosen family who has provided the support and understanding we were lacking before.
Throughout the episode, we emphasize the importance of finding organizations and support groups that appreciate and understand the unique challenges we face as parents of autistic children.
We explore resources such as respite care services, which offer temporary relief to parents by providing trained professionals to care for our children.
Join me on NeurOrdinary as we navigate the ups and downs of parenting autistic children without family support and discover the strength and resilience that lie within us. Together, we'll embrace the extraordinary in our ordinary.
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Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Transcript:
Hey, I’m Karen. And I’m a mom to two amazingly neurospicy autistic kiddos. I don’t have the time or tech skills to make a podcast intro, so let’s just get into it…THIS is the Neurordinary Podcast…..
Parenting an autistic child can be challenging, but it becomes even more difficult when you don't have support from your own family. Today, we'll explore what happens when you don’t have a reliable support network and discuss strategies to help you navigate this all too common situation. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources and options available to help you through this journey.
There’s a lot of reasons why your family may not be there to help and support you. Whether it’s because they are far away, they are no longer in your life for some reason, or you’ve discovered they just aren’t a source of support you want to rely on right now, let's get into what you can do to help you and your child get through this…
To start, let’s get this one out of the way…. Takeaway #1 is that It's okay to cut ties with family members who treat you or your child badly.
As parents, our primary responsibility is to protect our children and create a safe environment for them to thrive. If family members are treating you or your child badly, you need to prioritize your child's well-being and consider cutting ties with them.
It takes courage to make this decision, as family ties are often seen as sacred. However, when your child's happiness and emotional well-being are at stake, as their parent, you have to take action. Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and professionals who understand and appreciate your journey…it may be different, and they may not be willing to babysit, but it’s also unlikely they’ll do serious harm to your child either accidentally or on purpose…
I remember the difficult decision I made to cut ties with toxic family members. It was an emotional journey, and not a one-event issue. But eventually I realized that my child's happiness and emotional well-being were more important than maintaining a toxic relationship. Cutting ties was the best choice I made for our family. In fact, going no contact with my challenging family member was the start of me realizing I deserved self-care. That one decision freed up not only enough energy to be the best parent I could be to my kids, but also to start a marketing agency which has gradually morphed into me being a full time self-care coach now…funny how things work out sometimes.
Takeaway #2 seek respite care services to find support when family support is absent.
Parenting any child, but especially an autistic child can be demanding, both physically and emotionally. Finding respite care services can provide much-needed support and relief for parents who don't have support from their families.
Respite care offers temporary relief to parents by providing trained professionals who can care for your child while you take some time for yourself. It's essential to recharge and focus on your own well-being so that you can continue to be the best parent possible.
I recommend exploring resources like the Parent Resource Council, which offers a range of services, including respite care. You can find the link to their website in the show notes below.
Respite care has been a lifeline for me. It allows me to take care of myself and recharge, knowing that my kids are in good hands. It's a valuable service that can provide much-needed support when family support isn’t there.
Takeaway three: Your job is to protect your child, even if it means walking away from a bad situation.
As parents, our main responsibility is to advocate for and protect our children. Sometimes, this means making the difficult decision to walk away from a bad situation, even if it involves family members.
It's important to remember that your child's well-being is paramount. Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, professionals, and organizations who understand and appreciate your journey. Seek out local support groups for parents of children with autism where you can connect with others who may have experienced similar situations.
Walking away from a toxic family situation was incredibly difficult, but I knew it was the best decision for my child's happiness and development. Surrounding ourselves with positivity and support has made all the difference. I found comfort and understanding in support groups and connected with other parents who faced similar challenges.
Takeaway four: The importance of self-care to prevent resentment and burnout.
Parenting an autistic child can be demanding, to put it mildly. This often finds parents in a position leaving little time for themselves. But, practicing self-care is crucial to prevent resentment and burnout. Taking care of yourself allows you to be more present and better equipped to support your child.
But how do you find time to make“self-care” happen?
Find moments to recharge throughout the day! Whether it's through hobbies, exercise, therapy, meal planning (if that's your thing), or simply taking time for yourself. Remember, you deserve care and support as much as your child does. You need to make time for self-care without guilt or hesitation, especially if you don’t have family support.
Prioritizing self-care has allowed me to approach parenting with renewed energy and a greater sense of balance. It's not selfish; it's essential for both me and my children. I've learned to carve out time for activities that bring me joy and relaxation, which has had a positive impact on my overall well-being, my approach to parenting, and my desire to keep doing the hard work of raising my kids and being a better parent than mine were to me.
Takeaway number five: Acknowledge the absence of help from your family while recognizing their limitations.
It can be disheartening to face the reality that your own family isn't providing the support you need. However, it's essential to acknowledge that they may not have been capable of offering the help you expected. Every individual has their limitations and struggles. And often, since autism is genetic, your family may be dealing with their own neurodiversity symptoms and challenges, with or without the benefit of having a diagnosis.
While it may be disappointing, focusing on the present and seeking support from other sources can help you build a strong support system that understands and meets your needs. Explore local resources, organizations, and online or in-person support groups that cater to parents of autistic children. These communities can provide valuable insights, advice, and a sense of belonging with people who KNOW what you’re going through and won't judge you for the challenges you and your child are facing.
It took time to accept that my family couldn't provide the support I needed. But by seeking support elsewhere, I've discovered an incredible network of understanding and compassionate individuals. They have become my chosen family, and their support has made a significant, positive difference in our lives.
Although it can be challenging to parent an autistic child without support from your family, you are not alone. And as a friendly reminder before we wrap up, it's okay to cut ties with toxic individuals who may be making life harder for you and your child, or at least severely restrict the amount of time they have access to you or your child.
Prioritize your child's well-being, practice self-care, and find support from other sources. YOU may be surprised to see that things actually improve once you realize that the help and support you thought you deserved and could get from your family probably was never going to be quite as helpful or supportive as you hoped…
Remember, you are stronger than you realize, and your love and dedication make an immeasurable impact on your child's life. Stay strong and keep advocating. You are not alone.
Thanks for joining me today. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a comment or review letting me know what you thought about today’s episode. And whatever you do, keep it spicy!
Meet your self-care coach!
