On this week's episode of NeurOrdinary, we're diving into how you can navigate the holiday season as an autism parent, with less stress and more self-care. We all know this time of year brings unique challenges, and we're here to explore some strategies to not just survive, but thrive during the hectic holiday season.
We start by tackling one of the most significant stressors for us, autism parents – our own expectations. You'll discover how to ground yourself in realistic expectations as you prioritize your child's well-being while preserving your own mental and emotional balance.
Then, we explore practical strategies to nurture your emotional well-being, such as creating moments of solitude, connecting with support systems, and practicing mindful breathing exercises.
Of course, we can't forget about self-care!
Next, I share actionable strategies like prioritizing sleep, scheduling nature walks, and practicing mindful eating…all designed to ensure you prioritize these essential moments that rejuvenate you.
Finally, we’ll delve into the idea of flexibility. I’ll reveal how embracing the unexpected can contribute to a more fulfilling holiday season for everyone, and why building supportive traditions tailored to your family's unique needs is crucial for managing holiday stress.
If you're an autism parent looking to make this holiday season a little more joyous and a lot less stressful, you won't want to miss this episode!
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Diwali, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or another winter holiday, let's make this season a little brighter together. Tune in today and let's make this holiday season a stress-less one for you and your family.
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Resources Mentioned In This Episode
- Join the FREE Out Of Your Ordinary Autism Parent Self-Care Support Group!
Transcript
Hey, I’m Karen. And I’m a mom to two amazingly neuropsicy autistic kiddos. If you’re an autism parent like me, you know I don’t have the time to make a podcast intro. I also lack the tech skills, so let’s just get into it…this is the NeurOrdinary Podcast!
Hey there, and welcome to another episode of NeurOrdinary, your go-to space for all things self-care and autism parenting. As we know, this time of year can be joyous, but it also comes with unique challenges, especially for us autism parents. Today, we're going to explore some strategies to not just survive but thrive during the hectic holiday season. While I can’t guarantee you a stress-free holiday, hopefully we can make it a stress-less time of year for you and your family...let’s dive in!
Set Realistic Expectations
Let’s start by talking about one of the most significant stressors that many of us grapple with during this festive season—our own expectations. As parents, we often create a mental image of the perfect holiday, imagining joyful celebrations and happily harmonious moments filled with smiling, well-rested, grateful children…yet our reality seldom matches these idealized visions. And sometimes, the holiday season can bring into very sharp focus how far away from those hopes and dreams our daily lives are. That’s why, for autism parents like us, it's crucial we ground ourselves in realistic expectations.
Understand that it's absolutely okay if planned festivities don't unfold exactly as you envisioned. Make peace with the festive dumpster-fire of things going unexpectedly or or poorly. If you embrace the possibility and probability of things going to crap, it can make it all the more joyous when they don’t turn out quite as bad as you thought they’d be!
What truly matters is prioritizing your child's well-being and, just as importantly, preserving your own mental and emotional balance. So, let's take a closer look at how we can make the holiday season enjoyable and stress-less for both you and your child. And remember, because it bears repeating: Your child’s happiness and your sanity should be your top priorities this holiday season. That’s why…
Goal #1: Nurture Your Emotional Well-being
The holidays can bring a rollercoaster of emotions. You have to find time to tend to your own emotional well-being. Take a breather when you need it, and remember, your feelings are valid. You're not alone in this journey, and it's okay to seek support from friends, family, or online communities. Together, we can lift each other up and help take away the big yucky, “you’re all alone in this” mindset that seems particularly troublesome during the holiday season. I’ll drop a link in the show notes where you can join my free self-care group for autism parents. It’s a great place to become a part of a community of like-minded folks who “get it.”
Now, let's explore some practical strategies to help you navigate this oftentimes emotional season and ensure you prioritize your mental health.
- Create Moments of Solitude: Find time for yourself amid the holiday hustle. It could be a few minutes in a quiet room or a short walk outside. Give yourself the gift of solitude to recharge and center your thoughts.
- Validate Your Emotions: Understand that your feelings are valid. Whether it's joy, frustration, or a mix of both, acknowledging your emotions without judgment is a key step in self-care.
- Connect with Support Systems: Remember, you're not alone on this journey. Reach out to your support systems—friends, family, or online communities. Sharing your experiences and listening to others can provide a sense of understanding and community.
- Set Boundaries: Don't be afraid to set boundaries. Whether it's politely declining an invitation or limiting the duration of social gatherings, establishing boundaries ensures you prioritize your needs and energy.
- Practice Mindful Breathing Exercises: Incorporate simple mindfulness techniques, like deep breathing exercises, into your routine. These practices can be powerful tools to help you stay grounded and manage stress during hectic moments.
- Journal Your Thoughts: Consider starting a holiday journal. Jot down your thoughts, reflections, and even small victories. This not only serves as a therapeutic outlet but also allows you to track and celebrate moments of joy.
Remember, self-care isn't selfish—it's a necessity. By prioritizing your emotional well-being, you're better equipped to create a positive, supportive, and festive environment for both yourself and your child during the holiday season.
Goal #2: Set Self-Care Strategies for the Busy Season
Now, you know it wouldn’t be an episode of NeurOrdinary without me talking about self-care. Amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it's all too easy to neglect ourselves. But remember, you can't pour from an empty cup. Let's explore some actionable self-care strategies that are practical, achievable, and designed to ensure you prioritize those essential moments that rejuvenate you. All of the emotional support ideas I already shared are sure to help, but these tips are more focused on relaxation and physical self-care…
- One word…Sleep! : You need to prioritize sleep for yourself and your kiddos as much as is humanly possible during this season. If that means skipping out on some activities you want to do, even ones you think your child may like, think really hard before you commit to it. Making sure everyone gets enough sleep should be your #1 priority to have a stress-less holiday season. I’ll drop a link in the show notes about how to help you, and your kiddo, get a restful night’s sleep.
- Nature Walks or Breaks: Schedule short nature walks or breaks. Connecting with the outdoors, even for a brief period, can have rejuvenating effects on your mental well-being. Breathe in the fresh air and soak in the surroundings. And, in my opinion, it's just a great way to celebrate the winter holiday season and the return of the light we see after the winter solstice.
- Establish a Relaxing Routine: Develop a nightly routine that promotes relaxation. It could involve reading a calming book, practicing gentle stretches, or enjoying a warm bath. Creating a tranquil bedtime routine can enhance your overall sense of well-being. If a whole routine feels like too much, try adding just one thing like a quick gratitude practice or meditation to your night. I’ll share some of my favorite resources in the show notes.
- Mindful Eating Practices: Practice mindful eating during meals. Slow down, savor each bite, and engage your senses. This not only contributes to better digestion but also allows you to be present and enjoy the delicious culinary delights of the season. And also, be aware of what you’re eating and drinking this holiday season…it can be so easy to fall into the trap of enjoying our food and beverages a bit too much, which leaves us feeling unwell the next day. Or several days if you’re anything like me. Mindful and moderation are the keywords this season.
- Set Realistic Expectations: We already talked about this at the beginning of the episode, but this is some additional practical advice. Be kind to yourself by setting realistic expectations. Prioritize tasks, and don't hesitate to delegate responsibilities where you can, or just say no! Recognize that perfection is not the goal, and embracing imperfections can alleviate a lot of unnecessary stress.
- Connect With Your Hobbies: Carve out time for activities you enjoy. Whether it's reading, crafting, planning your garden, going to a smash room to break some stuff, or listening to music, engaging in hobbies provides an opportunity to unwind and rediscover a sense of joy. It may be tricky to add this in during such a hectic season, but if you can manage it, I’m sure it will have a positive impact on your outlook and stress levels.
Remember, self-care is a continuous journey, not a destination. By incorporating these practices into your routine, you're actively nurturing your well-being and creating a foundation for a more resilient and enjoyable holiday season.
Goal #3: Embrace Flexibility
Now, let's explore the idea of flexibility in the context of the holiday season. As autism parents, we know that unexpected changes are part and parcel of the holiday package. Let's talk about why flexibility is the name of the game and how embracing the unexpected can contribute to a more fulfilling holiday season for everyone…
Understand the Nature of Unexpected Changes
The holidays often come with unexpected changes—shifts in plans, surprises, and sometimes, a departure from our carefully laid-out schedule. That can be really hard for our kiddos, and also, for some of us as parents! Understanding and accepting the unpredictable nature of the season is the first step in cultivating flexibility. We need to acknowledge that deviations from the plan are not only normal but can also lead to delightful moments of joy and spontaneity…if we’re open to it.
Embrace the Unplanned with a Sense of Humor
Flexibility isn't just about adapting; it's also about embracing the unexpected with a sense of humor. When plans take an unexpected turn, finding humor in the chaos can be a powerful coping mechanism. Laughter becomes a tool for resilience, allowing you to navigate the twists and turns of the holiday season with a lighter heart and a better attitude.
Let Go of the Pursuit of Perfection
As autism parents, there often is societal pressure to create the perfect holiday experience or to make our kids conform to someone else’s idea of what a perfect holiday should look like. Flexibility involves letting go of the pursuit of perfection and helping ourselves, our children, and our families embrace the delightful messiness that is our true selves. Understand that imperfections are a part of every holiday celebration. What truly matters is the love and connection you share with your child. By releasing the need for perfection, you create space for authentic and meaningful experiences.
Build Resilience Through Adaptability
Flexibility and adaptability go hand in hand. Embracing unexpected changes isn't just about surviving the holiday season; it's about building resilience. Each time you navigate a change in plans, you're flexing your adaptability muscles, contributing to your ability to cope with challenges and uncertainties. Which brings us to…
Model Flexibility for Your Child
As a parent, your approach to unexpected changes serves as a model for your child. Demonstrating your flexibility teaches them that it's okay when things don't go as planned and that adapting to new situations is a valuable life skill. This modeling becomes a form of shared learning, reinforcing the importance of resilience in the face of uncertainties.
Create Space for Spontaneous Joy
This one is my favorite! Flexibility opens the door to spontaneous moments of joy. When plans shift, it creates room for the unexpected. By allowing for flexibility, you're not just adapting to changes; you're creating an environment where the unplanned can lead to moments of genuine connection and happiness.
So, in the spirit of the season, let's embrace flexibility as one of our guiding principles. Understand that unexpected changes are inevitable, find humor in the (probably inevitable) chaos, and release the pursuit of perfection. Through flexibility, we not only navigate the holidays more gracefully but also create opportunities for authentic joy and connection with our children.
Speaking of, let’s move on to…
Goal #4: Build Supportive Traditions
Instead of chasing after elaborate traditions, focus on building ones that cater to your family's unique needs. Small, meaningful rituals can create a sense of stability. It might be a cozy movie night, a special meal, or a quiet evening with a favorite book. Tailor your traditions to what brings joy and comfort to your child, it will help make the holidays enjoyable for everyone.
Now, let's explore why these small, meaningful rituals are crucial for managing the stress of the holiday season:
Empowers Your Child
Involving your child in the creation of traditions empowers them. It allows them to express their preferences and actively participate in the holiday festivities. This sense of involvement can boost their confidence and provide a sense of agency, promoting overall well-being.
Tailoring Joy to Individual Preferences Brings Happiness (Success!)
Every child is unique, with distinct interests and sensory preferences. By tailoring your traditions to what brings joy and comfort to your child, you're ensuring that the holiday experience is enjoyable for them, and everyone else. It's an opportunity to celebrate their individuality and create an inclusive environment that sets them, and you, up for success.
Promotes Emotional Well-being
Embracing meaningful and supportive traditions contributes to the emotional well-being of both you and your child. It provides moments of respite and joy, acting as an emotional anchor during potentially overwhelming times. These traditions serve as opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small, fostering a positive atmosphere.
Cultivates Self-Care Moments
Amidst the hustle and bustle of the holidays, it's easy to neglect your own well-being. Crafting traditions that prioritize your family's unique needs provides built-in moments for self-care. Whether it's stealing a few minutes for a cup of tea, a short walk, or even a deep breath in a peaceful spot, these moments become intentional acts of self-nurturing.
Stability for Your Emotional Well-being
The holiday season often brings a rollercoaster of emotions. Creating traditions that align with your family's unique needs provides an easy way for you to anchor your emotional well-being and that of your autistic child or children. These rituals act as touchpoints of comfort and predictability, helping you navigate the potential stressors of the season.
Meaningful traditions are also powerful tools for managing stress. By tailoring these events to your family's needs, you're not only fostering a sense of connection but also providing a buffer against the stress that can accompany the holidays.
Amid all the holiday preparations and potential sensory overload, your traditions become intentional moments of calm and respite. Whether it's a cozy movie night, a special meal, or a quiet evening with a favorite book, these rituals offer a break from the demands of the season, and allow you to recharge.
By prioritizing the creation of these supportive traditions, you're not just navigating the holiday season; you're actively engaging in self-care practices that cater to your unique needs, help reduce your stress levels, and allow you to enjoy the holiday season...and most importantly, you’re doing the same for your autistic kiddo!
Conclusion
And that wraps up our stress-less holiday guide for autism parents. I hope this episode helps you put a little more ho-ho-ho in your holidays and helps make your heart grow three sizes today. And while my Santa (and Grinch) inspired holiday bias may be showing, whatever winter holidays you and your family celebrate, remember, you're doing an incredible job. Savor the small victories you see this time of year, prioritize your well-being, and create a holiday season filled with love and understanding.
Thanks for listening! New episodes of the NeurOrdinary Podcast drop every Thursday. Don’t forget to like and subscribe. If you’re feeling generous leave a comment or review to let me know what you thought about today’s episode. And, if you know an autism parent who would benefit from hearing what we’ve talked about today, please share this episode with them. Until next time, take care of yourself and your amazing kiddos. Happy holidays! And whatever you do, keep it spicy!
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