Discover why Autism Warrior Moms get a bad rap, why it’s deserved, and what you can do instead to foster a quality relationship with your child and the autism community.
Parenting an autistic child comes with unique challenges and rewards…and sometimes, it can be downright heart (and body) breaking. While many parents advocate passionately for their child's needs, there is a darker side to what is known as "Autism Warrior Parenting."
In this article, we will delve into the reasons why Autism Warrior Parents sometimes receive a negative reputation, discuss the reasons behind this perception, and offer alternative approaches to foster a positive relationship with your child and the autism community.
Understanding Autism Warrior Parenting
Autism Warrior Parenting refers to a highly proactive and relentless advocacy style often characterized by intense determination, single-mindedness, and sometimes aggressive behavior toward professionals, educators, and others in the autism community.
Often, those that have this mindset see autism as their enemy…something that’s keeping their child hidden and away from them. It is usually mothers who have this mindset and approach, but fathers can also fall prey to this troubling viewpoint.
Reasons for Negative Reputation
Re-read those last two paragraphs if you need to…I’ll wait.
Seriously though, as someone whose actual name is Karen, and who hates the meme-ification of said name, these are the Karens of the autism parenting world.
Some of the larger challenges I see with the “Autism Warrior Mom” mindset are:
- Stereotyping and Generalizations: Some Autism Warrior Parents may resort to aggressive tactics, confrontation, or misinformation when advocating for their child, which can create tension and division within the autism community.
- Ignoring Diverse Perspectives: Warrior parenting can sometimes disregard the experiences and needs of individuals with autism themselves, focusing solely on specific treatment approaches or agendas. This includes their own children, which for me, is the worst part of everything!
- Disparaging Language: The use of derogatory or negative language about autism can perpetuate stigma and further marginalize individuals with autism.
It's okay to not always be 100% happy that your child has differences that will make their life more challenging, but hating autism and trying to “cure” your child isn’t the answer.
A Different Approach: Fostering a Quality Relationship with Your Child and the Autism Community
Here are a few things you can do to walk away from the “Autism Warrior Parent” mindset…for both your sake and your child’s.
Education and Empathy
Educate yourself about autism from reputable sources, seeking a balanced understanding of the diverse experiences and perspectives within the autism community. Practice empathy by actively listening to individuals with autism, respecting their viewpoints, and considering their needs and preferences.
Collaboration and Partnership
Develop a collaborative relationship with professionals, therapists, educators, and other members of the autism community. Respect their expertise and seek their guidance to make informed decisions.
Advocacy with Respect
Advocate for your child's needs in a respectful and constructive manner. Engage in open and honest communication, using evidence-based information to support your arguments. Collaborate with others in the autism community to advocate for systemic changes, promote inclusivity, and improve support services.
Embrace Neurodiversity
Recognize and celebrate the unique strengths and talents of autistic individuals. Embrace the concept of neurodiversity, valuing and respecting the diverse ways in which people's brains are wired. Remember some of the most influential people in the world have a brain like your child’s, and with the right support, they could grow up to change the world just like Greta Thunberg or Elon Musk.
Promote Positive Language and Stigma Reduction
Use identity-first language, emphasizing that most autistic individuals recognize the fact that their autism colors their entire experience. Promote understanding and acceptance through public education initiatives, spreading awareness about autism and challenging stereotypes.
Get Enough Self-Care
Time and time I see parents who don’t take enough (or any!) time for themselves to turn into Martyr Mom (or Dads). Once you’re already feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and unhappy in your role as a parent, it becomes easier to see autism as your enemy!
Getting regular self-care is the answer to the problem…here are a few links to help you on your journey:
Conclusion
While the intent of Autism Warrior Parenting may come from a place of love and advocacy, it's important to consider the potential negative consequences it can have on the autism community and your relationship with your child!
Imagine growing up with a parent who was so intent on changing such a core part of what makes up your identity that they felt they needed to wage a war against it?!
By adopting a collaborative, empathetic, and respectful approach, we can foster a positive relationship with our children and the broader autism community. Embrace the journey of autism parenting with open-mindedness, compassion, and a commitment to creating a supportive and inclusive world for individuals with autism.
Make sure you get the self-care you need along the way to keep yourself going, and remember to love on your child…autism and all.
For support in creating a personalized self-care routine, click here to get your FREE self-care checklist…it’s filled with suggestions that work for autism parents like you, that won’t leave you feeling worse than when you started.
Meet your self-care coach!
