When I was younger, I used to procrastinate by watching TV at bedtime. I’d lie in bed staring at the ceiling, my mind a jumble of random thoughts. I’d fall asleep and wake up the next morning, groggy and confused. My mom’s efforts were usually fruitless and
As I got older and smartphones happened, I continued to deal with bedtime procrastination. And when I had my kids, I’d lay there at night knowing I was going to be woken up 3, 5, or 10+ times a night (yeah, no exaggerations there), I started to dread closing my eyes.
Add to this the fact that I was touched out, burnt out, overwhelmed, and exhausted! Nighttime was the only reliable time I felt like I had for myself…and it only seemed right that I was entitled to this little bit of time to stay up late and do what I wanted to do, dammit! I deserved it!
Wrong.
Autism parents are faced with the same sleep challenges as other parents, but we also deal with unique obstacles when it comes to establishing good bedtime routines and avoiding nighttime temptations...
Most autism parents have encountered one or more of these problems at some point. Read on to discover what revenge bedtime procrastination is, the top three reasons it happens, and why you should avoid this common trap!
What is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination?
This link explains it all! It’s when instead of going to sleep when you know you should, you stay up later and later, thinking what you’re doing (instead of sleeping) is something that better serves your needs.
It’s a habit. Many people do it. And if you’re an autism parent, there are a lot of reasons you may be doing it…
I did it for years! It took me a long time to stop, but when I did, my life got better, parenting became easier, and I found I had more time for myself.
At first, it felt like I was trying to change my entire identity. But after a while, the rewards were worth the effort. By changing my habits and lifestyle, I became a better parent, and I discovered that I did have the energy to start a business. I created a lot of new habits and learned new things along the way. Today, I’m still refining those habits and adapting them to our changing needs. What I’ve discovered can help you too.
How Does Revenge Bedtime Procrastination Affect Autism Parents?
Os autistic children often struggle between the urge to relax and window at the end of a long day, and the urge to stay awake and try to get in some “me” time before bed.
Not sure what it’s like in your house, but for many families with autistic kids, bedtime is one of the most challenging parts of the day. Once you finally get them wound down and tucked in, it can be hard to not want to carve out a little bit of time for yourself after a long day…
And it’s totally okay to do that! I suggest that you do. But make sure you aren’t letting your “me” time turn into a problem that leaves you tired, cranky, and not at your best for the next day.
The key is awareness mixed with moderation.
The Top 3 Reasons You Should Avoid Revenge Bedtime Procrastination
It'll make you feel better.
There’s nothing worse than waking up feeling a little grumpy in the morning. Now imagine waking up knowing you’re only going to feel more grumpy and irritable throughout the day because you didn’t get enough sleep the night before.
It’s the kind of thing that makes us not want to do anything because we don’t feel motivated or able to deal with what our kids are throwing at us - sometimes literally! It becomes difficult to respond with kindness and empathy when your child struggles. And then the guilt usually piles on top of that…
It helps you be the best parent you can be...even if the next parenting you do happens before the sun comes up.
We all know how important sleep is. Many people don't realize how much of a role sleep plays in a person's well-being. A healthy night's sleep is essential to your health and happiness, yet for some of us, at this season in our lives, it’s impossible.
Don’t tell yourself the story that your baby/toddler/child is just going to need you in a bit so you might as well stay up “relaxing” until they need you…if you’re tired, get yourself to bed!
Even if you know you’re going to be woken up a whole bunch of times through the night. Sleep deprivation is hard enough to deal with without adding self-imposed limits on how much sleep you’re able to get.
Your brain and body need sleep more than relaxation (or scrolling Instagram).
If you procrastinate too much, you may be unable to get to bed early enough because you’re too tired when you finally go to sleep. This will affect your sleep quality and you will feel more exhausted. You may even wake up feeling worse than you did when you went to bed.
Eventually, this could increase your chance of developing insomnia.
Restorative sleep is one of the most important things you can do for yourself as the parent of an autistic child - and in my humble opinion, it is the most important self-care habit you can adopt.
How to Avoid Revenge Bedtime Procrastination
The key to avoiding bedtime procrastination is to set up your environment so it’s hard to get distracted. Make it easy for yourself to get to bed on time. Set a consistent bedtime, establish rules that make sure you get enough sleep, and turn off the internet and electronics.
If it’s hard to resist the lure of social media or TV, you could give yourself a “to bed” alert on your phone or computer that reminds you to turn off those apps. Then, set yourself up for success by making it easy to get yourself to bed.
It's important to ensure your bedtime environment is prepared and ready to help you get to sleep. One of the first things that you should do is establish a good bedtime routine and schedule. This is important because it will help you to fall asleep faster. When your body gets into a rhythm and knows what to expect, it’s likely to
Try to go to bed around the same time every night (even though I know this can be a challenge). If you get in the habit of staying up late, you might find it difficult to sleep at night. You may want to avoid sleeping in on the weekends. Although I understand the need to “catch up” on sleep from time to time, if you notice sleeping in makes it too hard for you to go to bed on the weekend, …you may want to consider a set wake time for the weekends.
Experiment to see what works for you! Some people like to have a quiet room at night, some prefer a fan, white noise machine or even guided meditations to listen to. Try reducing or eliminating caffeine and alcohol before bedtime, and see if you notice a change. It’s a process of elimination and discovering what works best for you and your unique situation. As long as you are prioritizing restful sleep and your child’s safety, you really can’t go wrong.
Final Thoughts
Many parents of autistic children struggle with bedtime procrastination for lots of reasons. But usually, it’s because they’re looking for ways to find time for themselves. It can be counterproductive to try and eke out a few more minutes for yourself at the end of the day - and it often leaves you tired and grumpy the following day.
That’s why I recommend finding a better way to ensure your self-care needs are being met throughout the day…
If self-care and sleep issues are a big challenge at your house, click here to download your copy of my FREE guide "7 Simple Ways to Reduce Your Stress: A Guide For Parents of Autistic Children." It reveals the easy-to-implement ways you can take better care of yourself all day long so you can stop trying to shove all your “me” time into the hours after bedtime…
That way, you can show up as the best parent possible for your kiddo, rested and ready to rock each day.
Or, you can enjoy this guided meditation I created specifically to help you put hte hone down and go to bed already...give it a listen and come back tomorrow to let me know what you think!
Meet your self-care coach!
