5 Reasons To Keep Your Kids' Autism Meltdowns Private
Every day autism parents and caregivers watch their children struggle. We are often overwhelmed and desperate for help.
What happens when a parent posts their child’s meltdown on social media? In the age of social media, sharing private moments like this are more common than ever. When children are having a meltdown, most parents are hesitant to tell other people about it. They fear that sharing such emotional moments on social media will make their child feel embarrassed...
But some parents do it anyway! There are many reasons why this could hurt both you and your child! Let’s explore a few of them below.
Keep your kids from public shame and humiliation.
Autistic children can easily find themselves being bullied and labeled “bad” or “dumb” for expressing themselves in a way that many people simply do not understand or don’t feel comfortable with. They aren’t in control of their feelings and actions during a meltdown, and we both know it doesn’t exactly paint them in the best light…
Imagine how you would feel if everyone saw you at your out-of-control worst!?
Your kids don’t want to feel like that either. Also, autistic children are often labeled as “difficult” and may even be denied the ability to play with their peers if they are considered too loud or aggressive, which they frequently appear to be during meltdowns. Posting that video may prevent them from being allowed to play with other children, and could further hinder their social and emotional development.
Protect their privacy and keep them safe.
Your child deserves privacy, full stop! By posting a meltdown video online, you lose control over who sees it and the outcome of those viewings...or if the video goes viral. Even if you think you have your settings locked down and only friends and family will see, your child still deserves privacy from them during their most difficult moments.
Model self-control by showing self-control.
We all want our autistic kids to increase their self-control skills. One way they learn that is by watching others model the behavior.
How does it look if you impulsively (or otherwise) decide to post a video of them online struggling during their meltdown? You may think because they are young or non-speaking that they couldn't possibly be impacted, or perhaps even aware, of what others think about them…
But the internet is forever! Your toddler is going to grow up one day, and how do you think they may feel about knowing the person they were supposed to love and trust betrayed them in this way?
The same goes for a child or adult autist who is non-speaking. Advances in communication technology have enabled those who struggled with verbal speech to clearly and effectively communicate. It's always good to remember that non-speaking doesn't mean non-thinking or perceiving.
Who knows what technological advancements will happen in the future that may enable even more non-speaking autistics to communicate their thoughts and feelings...what do you think they would say about you posting their meltdown video. Do you want to find out?
Your child's autism meltdown video will not only be remembered but will likely be shared on social media.
Once you post it, you have no control over what happens to the video or what impact it has on the internet, the world, or your child!
It could start a new trend on TikTok.
Maybe it gets picked up as a news story...about what a bad parent you are for posting it!
Perhaps it goes viral and your child, without their knowledge or consent becomes a living meme. Bet that will make trips to the grocery store even easier for you both. #sarcasm
Who knows how long people will remember the video…and you have no control over any of it once you post it online.
The video will be viewed many times over by people who don't understand what autism is.
The majority of people watching the video will not truly understand what it means to be autistic, or what it's like to parent an autistic child. Whatever goal you have in posting the video, you're unlikely to get the recognition you desire simply because the people that watch it aren't going to understand where you or your child are coming from.
They'll see it as a poorly behaved child (which for clarity - it is not!). They may give you sympathy for "dealing with" the meltdown or say "they just don't know how you do it."
And if that's what you're looking for, I hope you enjoy your stay on Martyr Mom (or Dad) Island...I hear the weather is terrible and the coconuts are all rotten.
If you're looking to gain recognition for your parenting efforts by violating your child's trust and posting a meltdown video, I hope you can find it in yourself to practice some self-reflection and some self-care. There is a different way to approach parenting your autistic child and meeting your own needs...I'd love to help you find it.
When is it okay to share an autism meltdown video?
This is a great question because there are times when it's appropriate to record your child during a meltdown. There may be more than this (leave a comment below if you can think of any).
The big takeaway is these recordings are not for public viewing, will not be posted to social media, and are meant to help facilitate your child's care and safety...
- Show a therapist what's going on at home. Sometimes, kids are good at "keeping it all in" until they get home, and may not show their struggles around the therapists you work with. It can be helpful to show them the challenges you deal with at home when they aren't there to see or help with them.
- Help the diagnostic team get an idea of what your child is like when they are struggling. This is especially important for children who mask their autism in certain situations (like an evaluation) but who need to get the help and support that an official autism diagnosis will bring.
- If your child is in danger of hurting themselves or someone else. Your first goal should always be to de-escalate the situation and get everyone to safety. But if you can't do that, recording the episode may help you prove that you as the parent/caregiver weren't the aggressor in the situation, and help ensure your child gets the appropriate help and support after the episode is over.
Conclusion
As autism parents, we have a hard job to do. It can be demoralizing to know that no one "gets" all the work we put into our days helping our children navigate their meltdowns. It's only human to want people to know about our struggles and to have our experiences validated by others.
But you can't do it at the expense of your child's privacy or the relationship you have with them. I hope this article helped you understand the reasons you shouldn't post meltdown videos online.
Drop a comment below and let me know: Have you ever posted a meltdown video online? Would you do it again after reading this article? I'd love to know what you think.
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