Self-care is important for any parent who is working hard to take care of their child. However, when your child has been evaluated and diagnosed with autism, it can be extremely challenging to maintain the self-care that you need to care for yourself. The autism diagnosis process is challenging, draining, and seems to go on forever. Sometimes, it’s just a big ‘ol suckfest!
As an autism mom, I've been through dozens of really stressful and upsetting evaluations over the past decade. Everything from actual diagnostic appointments to yearly renewal appointments for my kids' Medicaid waivers, 504/IEP meetings, you name it! It’s heartbreaking to have to tell people about how hard your kids struggle as you relive their hardest moments so that you can ensure they get the help and supports they need.
This article is a compilation of tips on how you can best take care of yourself and your family after going through the autism assessment process. Because I know how exhausting and upsetting it can be.
Read on to get the tips and support you need to make it all suck a bit less…
Create a list of healthy coping and self-soothing strategies.
You may find that the things you do to keep yourself calm aren’t always the most productive, or even healthy, coping mechanisms. Creating a list of the ways you cope or soothe yourself is a good way to identify the unhealthy ones. For example, if you tend to go online to binge on television or Netflix or read celebrity gossip, creating a list of the things you used to do when you felt overwhelmed will help you figure out which ones you’d like to eliminate.
That being said, all bets are off the day you have an appointment you know is going to be a hard one! Stock up on your comfort items, plan to take it as easy as you can for the rest of the day, and do what you have to do to get through…this isn’t the time to try and break your reality TV habit (but maybe be mindful if you’re still using the stressful evaluation appointment as an excuse for an all-day binge a week later).
Try meditation!
Could be that because I'm a Certified Meditation Instructor that this is one of my go-to strategies for dealing with, uh… everything! But that's because I've seen time and time again that it really does help with everything
You can check out my YouTube Channel's Meditations Playlist by clicking here...I'm sure you'll find a meditation there that is perfect for your needs. Also, know that I take requests! If you have an idea for a guided meditation that I don't currently have on the channel, contact me here, and let me know your idea!
Be ready to experience your emotions.
Experience them. Know they’re coming, but don't wallow! It's ok to be upset, especially if you had to list out in great detail all the things that cause your child to struggle. These assessments can be brutal on you as the parent, acknowledge that, plan to take the rest of the day easy if you can, and know that you may be tired afterward.
Don’t judge yourself too harshly for how you feel, or what you said in the assessment. You are a good parent and you are trying to do the best you can for your child.
Focus on being self-compassionate.
Self-care and taking care of yourself may not seem like a priority when you are caring for your child with additional needs, but it is important to take care of yourself as well.
While taking care of your child(ren) may be a full-time job, you cannot forget to take care of yourself too. This is why it’s very important to put some time aside in your day to take care of your own needs! You may feel guilty, but if you don’t do anything for yourself, you will start to neglect yourself and feel worse about it every day.
Find something to do that lights you up and brings you joy…you deserve it!
Know that you are not alone.
The assessment process seems designed to make you feel alone, like you're a terrible parent, and that your child is "broken." But you're in good company, whether you know it now or not! There is a whole internet full of other parents who know what you're dealing with and can help you through your situation...you can find us here.
Have a positive attitude.
Maybe easier said than done, but staying positive is a great way to keep you and your child(ren) going strong! It isn't all sunshine and roses, but knowing that on even the hardest days, you're working towards getting your family the help and support you all need helps keep you going strong...trust me, I've tried being both a Martyr Mom and an Empowered and Engaged Mom, and it's a hell of a lot easier being the latter.
In any given situation, you can choose to take on a positive or negative attitude. With raising an autistic child, it’s important to adopt a positive attitude to help yourself feel better and live life more comfortably and confidently. After an autism evaluation, many parents experience a range of emotions – from excitement to fear, relief, and worry. Being mindful of how you react in a situation can help you cope better and move on from the experience.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
One of the main reasons we as autism parents get burnt out and stressed out is because of how much information we’re required to take in daily, and how many tasks we must complete. We’re responsible for providing so much for our children…that includes doing the research we need to make the best choices for them we can. Education. Therapy. Special programs. Battling insurance. And meals….always meals (and I’m sure your kids are just as easy to feed as mine are #sarcasm).
Not only do we have to be experts in each of those things, but we also have to ensure that our child is getting the proper supports and trying to keep up with a banana-pants schedule!
If you feel like you're struggling more than is normal for you (or healthy for anyone), speak up!
Let your friends and family know how they can help you. Try to find a respite provider for your child. Talk to your physician or your child's therapist about how you're struggling. Get the help you need because "the hole" you find yourself in will only get bigger and harder to climb out of the longer you wait...#BeenThereDoneThat.
Conclusion
As parents of autistic children, we must learn to take care of ourselves. We must find our balance so that we can continue to provide the love and care our children need. This will give us the strength and energy to stay strong and provide for our children. We need to know what we’re capable of doing and how we can best spend our time so that we can be as helpful and supportive to our children as possible. This will make our lives much more meaningful and less stressful.
If you could use a little help in the self-care department, download your FREE guide to my top 7 self-care tips specifically created for autism parents like us, by clicking here.
You deserve self-care every day, not just after an evaluation or other stressful assessment. Just like that old L'oreal commercial used to say, "You're worth it." And you really are.
Meet your self-care coach!
