Thriving Beyond Challenges: The Transformative Power of Self-Care for Autism Parents
Title text over a peaceful lake scene, featuring a woman meditating on a dock, symbolizing calm, clarity, and self-care for autism parents.
Originally Published: June 30, 2023
Updated: April 3, 2025
Amid the sometimes overwhelming demands of caring for your autistic child, what if you learned to care for yourself, too?
We all know how important caring for our children is. But what many autism parents don’t realize is that we need to care for ourselves as we parent, too.
When we feel good, our relationships, families, children, and community do better.
When we’re struggling, we often feel alone, misunderstood, and overwhelmed, which usually leads to more struggle and a vicious cycle that can be a one-way trip to Martyr Mom (or Dad) Island.
Self-care is about taking care of ourselves, meeting our own needs, and, to use a very overused phrase, “putting our oxygen masks on first.” It’s about taking time to rest, focus on our needs, and enjoy life. When we do this, we find ourselves feeling connected to our children, to the rest of the world, and most importantly, to ourselves.
Why Self-Care Matters For Autism Parents
When you’re dealing with a life-changing circumstance, such as parenting an autistic child, it’s vital that you take time for self-care. When faced with challenges, it is our habits and routines that allow us to rise above our situation, keep our sanity, and remain strong and confident. So whether you are dealing with a challenge that involves yourself, your children, or your family, it is crucial to take some time for your own care.
Focusing on yourself is the difference between becoming an Empowered and Engaged Autism Parent and being the best version of yourself, or the alternative: struggling against your child and their diagnosis. Which often leads to resentment, anger, and a type of overwhelming frustration that seems to never go away.
The 3 Components of Self-Care for Autism Parents
By definition, self-care means taking care of ourselves. Sadly, when someone is struggling with self-care challenges, they may not even realize they need help..
If you’ve found your way to this article, perhaps it’s a sign that you need this more than you realize!
Self-care is a form of nourishment for your soul, and it can help you get through any challenges that life throws your way. The three components of self-care are:
Body…you need to take care of your physical being. Eat healthy foods. Get enough sleep. Drink enough water. Get physical movement.
Mind…taking care of your mental health is a huge part of any healthy and sustainable self-care practice.
Spirit…this can take many forms. Perhaps you have a religion you are dedicated to practicing. Maybe you prefer to follow an individual spiritual path. Either way, soul care is an important part of taking care of yourself.
Self-care should be part of your everyday lifestyle and not just something reserved for when you feel a little low.
For autism parents, rather than a “one size fits all” approach, your self-care routine should be a personalized practice. You need to discover what works best for you! This can be a huge relief for parents who are frustrated by trying to “figure it out” as they struggle to balance their own needs as well as those of their children.
Sometimes, you just have to make a choice and get started. It doesn’t have to be anything big or expensive like a week-long luxury spa retreat. Even spending 5 minutes a day doing guided meditation or practicing gratitude can have a huge impact on your perspective.
How Self-Care Changes Everything For Autism Parents
If I don’t take care of myself every single day, I'll feel horrible for weeks. When I say "care for myself", I mean that I take the time to eat healthy foods, get 8 hours of sleep a night, exercise, meditate, and try to have a bit of fun.
There are times when I don't particularly want to do those things, but if I'm not giving my body the attention it needs, I know it won't give me what I need in return. Self-care is important to everyone, but it's especially important for parents.
While balancing our self-care needs with our children’s needs can be a challenge, my personal experience has been that as I took better care of myself, my children struggled less. Once I became more balanced, so did they! They now need me less and less, and I can spend time focusing on my self-care needs and interests, all while supporting their needs and spending time enjoying the awesome tweens and teens they are turning into.
What is Self-Care For Autism Parents
Self-care is the daily process of caring for ourselves, which includes taking care of our physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health. This includes being proactive and ensuring we have what we need to thrive. Self-care for parents of autistic children is essential so we can find the happiness and balance we all deserve.
But that looks different for everyone! While some may get the help and support they need from joining in-person groups, or online spaces, others will prefer to recharge at home reading a book. Menu planning may help some parents deal with the never-ending task of trying to keep everyone fed and happy, and other parents will decide to prioritize eating out (or more likely, getting delivery).
Self-care for autism parents is whatever you need it to be…you get to choose!
How Self-Care Supports Parenting
With a bit of self-care, you can transform yourself from overwhelmed to refreshed and ready to take on the challenges that come your way!
But first, you need to identify your self-care deficits. Where are you struggling? What is going to help you the most right now? Then, commit to changing your habits to nurture yourself, so you can better take care of yourself and your child(ren).
Self-care while parenting is a dynamic process that parents have to practice and build upon over time. It requires effort, and it probably won't happen overnight. But if you’re committed to making the changes necessary to succeed, you’ll most likely feel a surge of energy when you make small changes and see good results, which leads us to...
How Do You Get Motivated To Practice Self-Care?
In order to practice self-care, you need to be motivated to take care of yourself. You must have reached a point where the pain of your current situation propels you to want to make a change…are you there yet?!
Motivation comes in two forms: self-motivation and external motivation. External motivation is when someone tells you to do something. A good example is a friend telling you to take a walk or a parent saying, “It’s time to clean up your room.”
Self-motivation comes from within. You decide to take a walk because you want to. You decide to clean up your room because you know that you need to.
Both “work” for parents needing a bit more self-care in their lives. But you may find that self-motivation a little more powerful…
Often, once parents realize how much of an impact spending just a little bit of time on their self-care makes, it becomes easier for them to build off those wins and start prioritizing their needs. As parents start to feel better and less overwhelmed, their child(ren) also start to do better and that is what often motivates them to continue with their self-care plan.
Plus, let’s not forget that it feels good to feel good!
And, just a friendly reminder, you deserve to feel like that. It won't be a 24/7/365 type of thing, and there will still be challenging situations (you are parenting, after all), but as you continue to keep your own needs at the forefront of your to-do list, those challenging situations don’t seem quite so bad (and it’s a heck of a lot easier to recover from them).
Conclusion
A healthy body, mind, and spirit are prerequisites for living a meaningful, fulfilling life, which is the bare minimum we all deserve. Self-care is about caring for oneself, both physically and emotionally.
It means taking care of your health, your body, your emotions, your mind, and your spirit. It’s about feeling whole and living a life with purpose. When we take care of ourselves, we’re better able to take care of others, including our autistic children. In the end, self-care is all about flourishing.
If you need some support on your self-care journey, head here to get your free copy of The Thrive in 5! SOS Toolkit! It has great ideas for self-care that actually work for autism parents like you.
Remember, everyone deserves time to focus on their own needs - my free guide will help you take charge of your self-care in as little as 5 minutes a day. So go here and grab your free copy today!
